talk to me | rye + andy

Negentien

Rye

It's a grey rainy day and the house is quiet. Everyone else is out, either at work or at school. Harvey is still fast asleep next to me, his arms wrapped around my torso and his face snuggled up in my neck. If anyone were to see us they must assume something was going on between us. There obviously isn't though, we're just really handsy people. Harvey with everyone and I just with him. He's my best friend so that's okay. He's the one person that gives met the physical contact I grave yet resent at the same time, it's weird, I guess.
The bell rings and Harvey steers, I smile down at him and ruffle his hair, "I have to get that, sorry babes." I whisper and lift him of me. Harvey moans something before turning around and continuing sleeping.

It's colder than I expected it to be and I shiver as I walk down the stairs in just my underpants. Through the door I can see a fade outline of a man, but I can't quite make out who it is. The impatient person on the other side of the door rings the bell again and I yell out a "Coming, jeez." and quickly pull open the door. The second I do I get hit by a cold gush of wind and Andy Fowler. After my little revelation of yesterday the sight of him makes my stomach turn, what is he doing here?
"Hey Rye." He breaks the silence, "Mind if I come in it's really cold out here." Of course it is, it's raining, I think to myself and swiftly pull the door open to let him in. Andy looks at me for a second before he makes his way into the living room without an invitation of any sorts, guess he has no time for nonsense today.
I quickly follow him and watch as he pulls his jacket off. God he's absolutely soaked and shivering like a maniac. "Want a cuppa?" I offer, I can't bare seeing him like this, he might get sick. He still looks amazing though, with his fringe stuck to his forehead and raindrops rolling down his face, they make his lips look all shiny. God, Rye snap out of it. I am supposed to be pushing my feeling away into oblivion, not admiring how good he looks drenched. I groan loudly, making Andy look up at me. I pretend nothing happened and go to the kitchen.

With the water cooking in the background I make my way back to Andy. "What are you even doing here?" I question, looking at him from my position in the doorway. He's sitting on the couch, examining the wet spots on his sweater, which is basically his whole sweater. God he must be cold, poor him. No Rye, snap out of it. Fuck.
Andy looks at me like I should know, "We have to work on this history project, Rye." He states, "With you and your problems, we're behind schedule now." We seem to realize what he just said at the same time, his eyes widen while I do my best to compose my stoic emotionless appearance. "Shit, Rye, I-"
"Whatever." I quickly cut him off. I am not going to let him see that hurt me, he doesn't deserve that. I knew I shouldn't have let him in, I should've never said a thing. I know better, I knew better damnit. "The deadline is not for another three weeks right?"
Andy nods, "Yeah, but-"
I look at him with an okay so what look on my face, "I'll have it done."
"Rye, I want to help you." Andy says as he starts taking his laptop and books out. Can't he just fuck off?
I roll my eyes, "Do you think I can't do it myself or something?" I ask, god I must be coming of so defensively, but I just need him to leave. This week is whack, I can't seriously a wrong comment removed from losing my shit. Not again.
"We were supposed to work on it yesterday and today as well and something tells me you haven't yet." Andy looks me up and down as he talks. His voice is calm and serious, unlike mine which just sounds irritated. "Which brings me to my next point, where were you?"
"None of your business." I tell him and cross my arms in front of my chest.
Andy looks at me blankly as the door from the hall to the living room opens revealing a sleepy Harvey wrapped up in my covers. God he looks so small like that. "How is it already four pm," He groans looking at me with puppy dog eyes, must want something. "Make me a cuppa will ya, sweetheart?" A there it is, I chuckle to myself, but turn around anyways. As I poor hot water in three mugs I hear Harvey greet Andy cheerfully.

"Why did you skip anyways?" Andy asks Harvey, didn't I just tell him it was none of his business?
Despite being unable to see them I know Harvey just shrugged before telling Andy, "Rye and I were cuddled up on his bed watching movies till like seven am so when Robbie came barging in half way through 'love, Simon' we decided we would not be going to school today."
"Love, Simon?" God I can just hear his beautiful smile through his voice. "Bit gay mate." Andy deadpans making Harvey laugh loudly.
"You're one to talk." My best friend says, "Necking on with my cousin."
Andy laughs and shakes his head, "Shit happened. Won't be happening again anytime soon though."
"Got his eyes set on George Smith, right?" Harvey asks and sits down next to Andy who nods. "From the sounds of it you've got your eyes set on someone as well, right?" Wait what? It must be Blake, shit I knew something was going on there.
"Fancy someone?" I ask as I walk back into the room balancing the three mugs and a plate of toast for Harvey and I to share as we haven't eaten yet.
Both of them say thank you for their cuppas before Andy answers my question, "Dunno, not really honestly." To my surprise let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.
Harvey raises an eyebrow, "What about Blake?" And the aching feeling around my heart is right back, well nice.
Andy laughs and shakes his head, "Blake is so not my type. We're just friends."
"What is your type?" Harvey asks, "I mean guys wise I personally like them sweet but able to throw me around, ya know?" God he truly knows now boundaries, cheers mate. "But girls, I like my girls a bit fetchier." Something tells my Mikey can throw him around just fine.
Andy laughs, but doesn't seem taken back, more so deep in thought, "It's been a while since I last did something with a girl, honestly." He mumbles, "I do like someone that matches my personality, I love to clash and fight for power with a girl honestly." How are they talking about this so easily? I know guess should be able to talk about sex and all that, but this is honestly a bit too much maybe? And it's getting me a bit flustered. "I like my guys a bit more submissive though," Andy admits with a smug smirk on his face, "That's why your cousin and I work so well, but Blake and I would never."
Even Harvey seems a bit lost for words at first, so instead of commenting on what Andy just told us he shifts the question on to me, "How about you, sweetheart?"
"Why you asking? Trying to figure out if you have a shot, babes?" I shoot back, hiding my discomfort with snark and jokes. I did not sign up for this, all I wanted to do today was sleep in late, play video games with Harvey and completely ignore any and all feelings I have for Andy Fowler. Instead I am sat here about to talk about my preferences with Harvey and Andy, shit.
At least Harvey seems to appreciate my joke, "We both know you'd shag me without a second thought." I shrugs, he isn't wrong. "But don't leave us hanging, what kinda lass would you shag?"
"Why are you talking like that Harvey?" I laugh. "You're not from the north mate." Words like lass and calling yourself us instead of me, it's just a whole knew level, Geordie that is.
Harvey shakes his head with a chuckle, "Course not. Now are you going to tell us or what, sweetheart?"
I sigh, guess I better tell them something. Not too much though, I don't want them asking questions. "I like me a submissive girl really, someone that lets me take control." It's the truth, in bed with a girl I prefer to take the lead, to just let go honestly. I know it's bad and you shouldn't be sleeping with people you don't want to sleep with, but when I am with a girl it's just easy to let go. I find that through sex I am able to let out a lot of my frustrations. Just forget for a little, which is a lot easier considering I only have sex when I am out of my head drunk. It's quiet for a second and I swear Harvey is about to ask what I'd look for in a guy, but thankfully he doesn't. I would've shut him down right away, but still lying to Harvey about not liking guys has been getting harder by the day, especially now that he's so open about is sexuality.

To my frustration Andy won't leave even after I've told him a million times I'll have my part of the project done on time. No he insisted on staying, cause even if I don't need the help than at least he'll get to spend some quality time with Jack and Brooklyn and drive Brooklyn home. As if the three of them don't spend enough time together. His presence drives me crazy, every time he laughs it makes my heart fluster, my head hurt and my stomach turn. Being around Andy gets me emotions all over the place, part of my loves being around him, but it also makes me extremely anxious, because what if he notices? What if he sees the glances I steal, or that sometimes I look at his lips just a bit too long? What if he starts asking questions? God I wouldn't be able to handle that.
I know I've said it a million times before, but I am just not ready. I wish I was ready. I wish I could just accept myself. Mostly I wish I didn't feel like this anymore. The overwhelming emotions, the anger, the anxiety, it's getting the best of me. It's been for ages, I am just not who I used to be. I used to be an upbeat kid, even after all the drama with mom, but now I am nothing but an empty, angry, shell of who I once was. I don't think it's ever been as bad as it is now though, I mean I thought things were getting better, but I've honestly not felt worse than I've been feeling recently. The amount of anger attacks I've been having is insane and it's never okay but this is just horrible. I can barely contain myself anymore, yesterday Robbie made a joke about Harvey and I secretly shagging, Harvey thought it was funny and I was about ready to do my brothers head in. I normally don't mind the jokes, but it seems paranoia has been taking over. What does he mean by that? Does it look like were shagging? Wait does he know I am gay? Am I being obvious? Questions like that fill my head and I can't help it. I know I am being ridiculous, but that doesn't change how I feel. I feel absolutely sick and I don't think I can go on like this any longer if I am being honest. I am afraid that I might snap, not just hit a wall or a homophone, but really snap. I am scared I might really hurt myself or worse, someone I care about like my brothers or Harvey. I don't want to do that, but I don't know what to do about and I don't want to bother others with it. Their my problems, not theirs.

Oh, but Rye darling, has no one ever told you  bottling your feeling up will only hurt you?

So I was wondering how you lot would feel about a Q&A with the characters?

Thank you lot for 9k+ reads and 500+ votes it truely means the world!!
I know I say that every time, but I am dead serious. Every vote and comment just motivatie me that much more to get chapters out asap <3

Cheers,
B :)x