Helpless (gxg)

XVIII- Equals

They led me out of the room into the hallway where I had last seen Tessa. To my surprise she was standing outside the door as we exited.

"Ah, Alpha, we were just coming to find you." Doctor Jameson gave her a full smile and Tessa gave them a much more subdued nod.

"Yes, thank you Doctor. I hope your session went well."

"It did. Our new Luna is a joy to be around." My chest tightened, but it wasn't with fear or anxiety. It was similar to the feeling I got when Tessa called me a pet name. I liked it.

"That is wonderful to hear. Are you ready to go, Willa?" Tessa held out a hand for me to take. "I thought you might like to return to our room and read a bit while I work."

I nod and take her hand. I give Doctor Jameson a nod as they wave goodbye.

"How did it go?" Tessa asked me as we went up the stairs, hand in hand.

"Good, I think. They're nice." My head still reeled slightly from their words at the end.

"Yes, they are. Do you want to continue to see them?"

"Yes." The answer came without thinking, surprising me a bit. I did want to keep going. I wanted to get better, not because there was something wrong with me, but because I could heal from something that wasn't my fault. That's what Tessa would say, at least.

"I'm happy that you will. Do you want to sit with me in the office or would you rather be in the bedroom or living room?" She gestured for me to go through the doorway first. I was confused for a moment before I realized that we had already reached her- our- apartment. I took the moment it took her to follow to think.

"I won't be a bother if I sit with you?"

"Of course not, sweetheart. Go get a book and meet me in there."

She went to the office as I scurried into our room to grab a book. I considered taking the same book as before, but decided instead on a book that was more practical- a history book. I was very careful not to drop it as I joined Tessa.

She was already seated at the desk, absorbed in paperwork and only glanced up when I entered. "Could you close the door behind you, please dear? Thank you." I obeyed, trying to do it as quietly as possible before taking a chair across from her and beginning to read.

It was a bit dull, but I held out, knowing that the mate to such a powerful Alpha should have knowledge of all things, not only things that were interesting. It was by no means recent history, instead telling stories of wars between humans and wolves, ending in the human's annihilation and wolves spreading across the world and reverting to older ways. I liked certain parts, like the stories of warriors valiantly defending their packs against the human menace, but I was troubled by the last war. The one where we finally won.

We had become just as bad as the humans, destroying their homes and killing their families, ignoring the fact that they were not fighters at all. The excuse was that they would turn against the wolves were they allowed to live, but that was obviously a cover-up for the fear and need for power that the Alphas of the time had felt. The firsthand accounts showed this clearly.

It was a fairly brief book, but I was still surprised when I finished it. I glanced up at Tessa and saw through the window behind her that the sun had nearly set. She was still working, so I turned back to the first page and began to read again.

By the time I was halfway through the second time, Tessa spoke. "Willa. Are you hungry?"

I snapped out of my book, shaken by the sudden noise. "Um, yea- yes. Yes, I am. Should I make something?" I closed the book, not bothering to keep my page.

"Would you be more comfortable doing that or going downstairs and eating with the rest of the pack? There is no need for formal introductions tonight, I'm sure that you'll meet them all in time, but we can eat with them if you'd like."

I paused before answering for what seemed like the thousandth time that day. "I would be more comfortable eating here, but... I think it would be better for us to eat with the pack."

"Willa, look at me, please." I hesitated before meeting her gaze. "Are you sure? I do not want to pressure you into a situation that you do not wish to be in."

I nodded. "I'm sure. I need to do this. But uh... could you just, just stay? I mean, stay with me. Sit next to me and um... be there? Please?"

Tessa agreed immediately. "Of course. I would not even dream of sitting somewhere other than besides my beautiful mate during dinner. But there is one question I have- do you want us to sit at our own table or with someone else?"

"I uh... I don't know." I swallowed heavily. "Maybe... I don't know." My breathing picked up. "C-can... I just..."

"Willa? Willa, cross your arms over your chest." I obeyed, Doctor Jameson's instructions bleeding through the chaos of my mind and blanketing it, muting the noise and stilling the movement as I fought to regain control. When I came back to myself, Tessa was kneeling in front of me, not touching, just sitting.

I jolted and shoved my chair back, putting myself on the floor with her.

"Willa, what are you doing? No, please stay where you are. You need rest."

"You can't, you can't be below me." I tried to push her into a standing position or at least into the chair, but she was too solid.

"Willa." The seriousness of her tone shocked me into stillness. What was I doing? I was trying to force her somewhere, touching her without permission, speaking insubordinately... "Willa, listen. You are not below me. We are equals. There will be times where one of us must support the other, and the one who needs help must accept that. Please, Willa, please accept that. I can not make you heal, but I can hold your hand while you do. I know you are not used to it and I understand that this is all very strange, but please. I do not know how much more I can take."

Tears began to streak down my face as I listened to her words. I was hurting her, I was hurting my mate. I moved my hands from where they had been trying to move her away and pulled her closer. I just needed to feel her, I needed my mate, my... equal.