crumble | h.s

part twenty

"I trusted you." she murmurs. My face falls after the words leave her mouth. 

"Lydia-"

"I put so much trust in you. From the moment you helped me in the alley, to the moment you drove me home...all the way to the moment we had in that bedroom." she cuts me off. She still faces the fire, avoiding eye contact. I don't say anything, knowing she'll continue. 

"I let myself get so attached to you without knowing you. And that was my biggest mistake." she speaks. My body starts to ache as I listen to her with dread in my heart. 

"You shot my friend. You tried to kill him. And then you acted like nothing happened." I dip my head down as she talks. 

"I-I know." I stutter. 

"I can't believe I thought you were good. I can't believe I let myself be brainwashed by you." she spits as she turns her body to face me. 

"I didn't brainwash you Lydia. I genuinely wanted to protect you! I still do!" I say in desperation, hoping that she is receiving what I'm trying to tell her. 

"That's bullshit! You don't want to protect me, you just want to hide me from the world. You don't care about me...you're incapable of any form of emotion other than hatred." she scoffs. My stomach drops with each and every word. I widen my eyes as I feel an actual ache in my heart.

"And you want to know why I know this? Because you're a murderer. You're sick." I could feel my face getting hot as a fire built up inside me. I pinched my eyes shut as I got more angry with every single word she spoke. 

"You're keeping me in this house because you don't want your cover to be blown. You don't give a shit about me." she says, getting emotional. 

"Lydia stop." I say sternly, as a warning. I was so angry. I clenched my fists and my jaw, trying with all my might to hold back. 

Usually, if anyone spoke to me like this...

they'd be dead. 

Kind of like her brother. 

Then, she uttered the words that made my blood run completely cold. 

"I wish I never met you." 

The fire inside me burned and burned and I tried so hard to tame it, but she infuriated me. She turned back around so that she wasn't facing me any longer. 

I sat on the couch in fury. I abruptly stood up and began to charge out of the room so that she didn't see me come down from my furious high she created. 

But as I was leaving she said, "But I did meet you." she looks up at me, her eyes softer now. "We crossed paths and we can't change that." she says. 

I feel my anger die down a little. My face falls soft and I unclench my whitened knuckles. I turned around to face her. She was looking up at me with her lips formed into a soft line. 

"I'm sorry." I whisper. Her eyes widen slightly at my apology, but she doesn't say anything. She only stands up and looks out the window before turning and heading for the stairs. 

"I'm going to go to bed." she states with little emotion in her voice before disappearing up the stairs. 

I was going to give her the space she needed. I knew she wouldn't leave, so there was no point in hovering. She probably didn't want to be around me anyways. 

I walk over to the sliding screen door which leads to the back patio and draw the curtains back. I look outside to see the familiar sunrise. It had stopped raining now...the grass was glossy and the deck was kind of wet, but regardless... I slid the door open and stepped out, still shirtless. 

I felt the warmth from the sun crawl upon my body as it slowly lifted over the trees. Tangerine clouds crept across the sky calmly. The tips of the trees were kissed by the pink-orange glow, while everything below was illuminated by the same soft morning heavens. 

After the events of the night, after the blackness caused by the lack of sun...this was a nice contrast. For some reason, I felt the sun as it could've been a new beginning. Even if it wasn't though, it was still a temporary escape. 

The last time I was here, I kissed her. I kissed Lydia's soft cherry lips as the rising sun bound us together in a brief moment in time. The last time she was out here with me, she looked so free. She looked so peaceful. It was a look that suited her more than anything ever could. She was happy then. 

I remember the words that I said to her before connecting our lips. 

"Don't run from me." I said it out of fear. I said it because I didn't want her to leave me if she knew what I really was. 

But now she knew. She told me in that moment that she wouldn't run. But she did. She ran until she couldn't anymore and then gave up. I remember the hope leaving her eyes as I held her while the rain poured down on us in the middle of the wooded area. 

I've caused Lydia so much pain. I've put her in so much danger, but I couldn't take it back. I can't undo what's already been done. 

I close my eyes and take in the sunrise. A soft breeze blows through my hair. 

I wanted Lydia to be here with me. She told me she wants to do this with me more often, and I would happily do it with her as well. 

But now she was up in her room which she locked herself in. I imagined her with the shades drawn so that no sunlight filled the room. I imagined her laying in the pitch black void as her heart broke. 

Because of me. 

-

wow a chapter with all Harry's perspective. 

so i changed the cover. i said this before but i definitely prefer this one over the other. 

how are you guys enjoying the book so far??? 

these last two chapters were really hard to write for some reason and i procrastinated so much lol. 

i hope your summer's are going great so far! 

love you guys!