In my life I have learned that love is a tool. In my life I have learned that love is a weapon. In my life I have had love ruined for me time and time again.
In my family, love is a plea. Love is a question.
If I tell you I love you, will you dare to repeat it back?
We always do, empty words falling through our lips, though they mean nothing.
If I tell you I love you, will you quiet down?
If I tell you I love you, will you stop yelling?
If I tell you I love you, will you dare to love me back?
I love you means I'm scared. I love you means my heart is beating too fast. I love you means too many things that it shouldn't.
I say I love you more than many people. It doesn't mean I love, more than those people. It means that I am afraid more than those people. It means that I believe if I stop saying it, my world will fall apart at the seams.
I am scared. I am scared and ruining my future. The words, I love you, hold absolutely no meaning to me.
One day. One day someone will tell me they love me. One day someone will tell me they love me with a full heart and bright eyes. One day I will stare up at someone and realize that I don't believe them.
I have lived my life crying wolf. I love you! Look, I love you! I do! I love you!
I. Promise.
I am afraid.
I am afraid of now. And of later. Later when I dare to repeat the words back.
When I repeat the words back and though I try to mean them, they mean nothing.
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Thoughts
Short StorySometimes we lay awake at night, thinking. Sometimes the voices in our head won't quiet down once the noise of daily life has gone away. Sometimes all our emotions feel like bursting out of our heads. That is when I write. I write to try and calm th...
