Thoughts

Voicemail

I'm listening to your voicemail.

The one that you left 113 days ago.

You're the best one out of all of us here, you told me.

Now you won't even look me in the eyes.

You have the world at your fingertips practically, I feel like laughing. You couldn't have been more wrong. I have the world at my fingertips. If only.

You have everything you can ever want, wrong again. Did you ever even know me? Was I that secretive? That closed off from the world? How did you ever get the impression that I was ok? That I had everything? I wish I didn't worry all the time. I wish I could sleep. I wish for once I actually felt like eating. I wish my feet and knees weren't so screwed up. I wish for so many things.

I don't know what anyone would do without you, well you do now. I wonder what it's like. You said as if it were the craziest thing. Like we would always be fine and all the words you said didn't mean a thing. Of course no one will be without me. Because I never leave. I'm not strong enough. I don't have the resolve. But of course, I DID leave. What are you doing without me?

Without you, I don't think the world would work right. It would be broken. Broken...what a thought! I have to say, I disagree. The earth will keep spinning and the sun will keep shining without my presence there to keep it going. If I leave, an eternal winter won't descend upon the land. Volcanoes won't ravage the earth. Life will go on. The world won't be broken. That's saved for other things.