Coming Home

Surviving

The big old building appeared like a dark, threatening rock in the mist of the drizzling rain. I got out of the car and pulled my hoodie up ignoring the curious looks from around me.

Just go in there and survive it.

It was the director herself who brought me to my class and I was glad that the teacher didn't force me to introduce myself. He just told the screaming crowd my name and left me sitting on a single place in the second row, for the others obviously preferred the seats in the back. I leaned against the wall, feeling sick and tired, trying to avoid any contact to anyone.

That's basically how I spent the whole week. And the week after that. Every afternoon the physiotherapist arrived, helping me with or rather monitored my exercises. They built up on the ones I had to do in the two months I spent in hospital. After being in coma for half a year, my muscles had reduced so much that I had barely been able to walk or speak. Breathing alone had been exhausting enough.

Slowly I felt my physical strength coming back, allowing me to stay awake for at least 8 hours in a row. Only my soul didn't seemed to develop. I started to feel like a machine, doing what everyone expected from me, without complaining, without feeling anything. I was on survive mode, though I couldn't see what for.

These two weeks I didn't see much of Ben for he seemed busy with work. He never talked about what he was doing out there though acting must be a really exciting job. My father used to tell stories over stories about funny things that happened on set while I was sure that he was exaggerating most of the time. But I had always loved to listen to them and see him making the funniest gestures.

Ben on the contrary seemed to lock out everything that had to do with work on the second he got in.

Here he was just himself, doing whatever he liked, without always being watched, being judged. In a way I could understand it. And although I would never admit it, his presence was the only one I could stand at all.

It was Wednesday in the third week at Ben's house when I was called for dinner early. The clock only showed five pm but I didn't ask questions. Just sat down at the table, being increasingly good at simply accepting things. I was sure there was a reason but I wasn't interested in hearing it.

'How's school going?', Ben asked, putting some potatoes and beans on his plate. He had cooked himself and I had to admit it was delicious.

'Okay. Got a B in Biology.'

Actually it sucked. But I had always been quite good at school and learning distracted me from thinking so my grades weren't that bad.

'Great. I'm glad you're doing that well.' He smiled at me.

'You made some friends yet?'

'Yeah lots...'

He could not have overheard the irony in my voice. That's another reason why I can focus on school stuff...

'Okay - Listen... I have a surprise for you. And I don't accept any rejection so don't try. You need to get out of here.'

I stopped eating and looked at him. What did he mean? Beneath the mysterious smile there was something else in his eyes... concern. Why would he worry about me? Care for me? He didn't even know me.

'I want you to pack some things but not too much. We will be back on Sunday, after the long weekend. Departure is in one hour.'

Before I could respond anything, he had got up and brought his plate to the kitchen. I stared at the left beans on mine. They were already cold.