trying to save us

iv. selfish

wanted to switch it up a bit and write this in kaycee's pov. for reference, this takes place earlier that day prior to sean receiving the text. hope you all enjoy <3
——
She didn't know how to react. She knew how everyone else wanted her to react, but Kaycee didn't know how they expected her to put up that facade.

Everyone wanted her to be upset, to feel bad, to remember. No one stated it directly, but she could tell just by the miserable looks in their eyes whenever they looked at her.

They looked at her like she was a stranger, like she wasn't their Kaycee and it was killing her with each passing second. She wanted to be selfish, she wanted to yell at them. To scream and shout and remind them that she's still here, she's still Kaycee. That she may have lost her memory but they haven't lost her. She was alive.

But she knew she couldn't, it wouldn't be fair to them. It wouldn't be fair to beg them to act like everything was fine and dandy when in reality it was not. While things may not have been much different to her, her closest loved ones lost a huge part of their lives. They lost the Kaycee they had known for nearly the past decade of their life, and they didn't know if they'd ever get her back.

The doctors had told them that memory loss was a common repercussion when a patient has taken a strong blow to the head. Given that Kaycee's situation was far more severe seeing as the impact was taken directly to her temporal lobe, there was really no telling when and if  her memory will ever fully recover.

So they had no choice but to sit and wait and pray that maybe one day things will fall back into place.

Her family has tried many remedies they found online within the short two-day time frame since the accident. They tried showing her old pictures and clips, Bailey and Tahani came over frequently to tell her all what she's been up to the past few years, and Josh and Julian, whom she apparently met in college, even came over sharing old college stories from their friend group. They even told her about how they met and how they set up her and Sean.

God, Sean.

If there was one person she truly felt for amidst her memory loss, it was Sean.

The pain that broke out onto his face when he came to realization that Kaycee had no idea who he was remained imprinted into Kaycee's mind. Whenever anyone would mention him, all she could think of was how she could physically see his heartbreak, and that she was the cause for it.

Her family and friends had told her all about how much the two loved one another, how despite the fact that they were no longer in a relationship, it was obvious that the pair still had love for each other.

But as much as they tried to convince her and tell her all about the relationship she had with him, the only memory that came to mind was of his visit the night of the accident. That was her last and only memory she had of him.

She wanted to remember, she wanted to know what it felt like falling in love with the man that everyone was so sure was her soulmate.

It wasn't fair that she had to hear about her love story from other people. Everyone else remembered how she fell in love, but she was left trying to put the pieces together from the stories that they all told her. Having to hear her family and friends explaining something that was so sacred and special for her made her want to scream and shout in frustration.