church girl 2 - g.d

part 5

bella's pov

  i hear numerous knocks on my door and i roll my eyes. i just put jordan to bed and was planning to chill for once without anything disturbing me. i angrily stomp to the door knowing that it's probably just the neighbour asking to borrow some more cheese. before i answer the door i make a stop at the fridge to take out the cheese so i don't waste time.

  "here-"

  the cheese drops out of when i see him.

  grayson. he looks the same, just a little bit older. while i look into his eyes all kinds of emotions rush through me. happiness, love, relief, hope, anger, sadness.

  "hi bella."

  his voice. i forgot how amazing it was. but i can't let him close to me again. he'll end up leaving me once more and if i let him get closer to jordan he might take him too and i can't let that happen.

  "can i please come in? we need to talk. it's been too long."

  he says, sounding extremely jittery. i stand aside and open the door for him to walk in, still in shock. i pick up the cheese and throw it in the trash seeing as there was only a little left.

  "bella, please say something."

  he pleads sounding more desperate than ever but i shake my head.

  "look bella. i have the right to be involved in jordan's life."

  "how do you know his name?"

  i instantly cut him off and his expression brightens due to hearing me speak.

  "i have my ways."

  "look grayson. the hard part is over. i was the one who had to wake up at 3am in the morning to feed him, and then 5am to change his diaper, and then 7am to feed him again before going off to study and then coming back to bathe him, feed him, change him again and stand there for hours rocking him in attempt to get him to stop crying and sleep. i also had to study, find a job, juggle work and looking after a newborn. even now that he's older, it's still hard but it's so much easier. you only want to come now because it's gonna be easy now."

  "no bella. there is no 'easy' part of looking after a kid. you'll have to attend school meetings, help them with homework, take them places so they can meet their friends, pick them up when they're falling down, go to the school if they get into trouble, help them with their problems, pay for all their stuff, deal with the mood swings when they're a teenager, discipline them. the hard part is most definitely not over because everything about looking after a kid is hard."

  i laugh. what he said is true, but like he would understand what it's like to look after a child.

  "oh, because you know what it's like to look after a kid grayson?"

  "okay whatever. it's not fair what you're doing bella. i broke your heart and i know that. i'm sorry, really. from the bottom of my heart. i mistreated you and blamed it all onto you when it was my fault. but i've done nothing wrong to our son. i've never even met him, how could i have? and i deserve to be involved in his life just as much as you deserve it because i'm his parent too, not just you."

  what he says throws me off a bit. he sounds sorry and really sad and i do feel bad for him, but i want what's best for jordan and i don't know if bringing grayson into his life will confuse him. i don't know how he'll react and i won't know how to act about it depending on what he does. tears brim in my eyes and so i turn around, not wanting him to see me like this.

  "no grayson. i'm sorry. i can't forgive you for what you did and i can't trust you not to mess up again. i'm sorry. please just get out."

fifth chapter out of ten

halfway through😬

do u think grayson will be forgiven?

do u think bella has good reasons to do what she's doing?

word count:708