Alive [Lirry]

17.

Harry Styles was lying wide awake in his hotel bed, staring at the ceiling, absent-mindedly carding his left hand through his long curls.

His mind was still working in over-drive, still thinking about what he'd just done.

It was starting to sound like he had murdered somebody when in reality, he had actually just manned up and kissed Liam Payne, his bodyguard who is being a stubborn and vague asshole.

Harry was having mixed feelings about this kiss. No doubt on those feelings of his, oh no. Harry knew he was in this deep. He had already fallen for his bodyguard, and the thought of how he was going to have to forget Liam, was literally keeping him awake at night.

One one hand, Harry was glad he had finally made the first move and kissed Liam, and he had his fingers crossed that maybe, possibly Liam finally realised he harbored even an ounce of romantic feelings for his client. Just a little.

But Harry didn't count on it. Liam was stubborn. Too stubborn to admit something like that. He won't let anything fuck up his work ethic, even denying his happiness for that.

It was a deep-rooted defense mechanism for him, which came from his days of being an assassins. As assassins are trained to show no empathy and to not let anything petty like love interfere in their work.

Liam himself had told Harry that he was still a little out of touch with his emotions. He had said that his familial past plus his previous career made him like that, but didn't say anything further.

Liam was unlike his ex-partner Zayn Malik, who just needed a little push to touch his emotions, and Louis Tomlinson was the cause of that.

If love had saved Zayn, as cheesy as it is, can't it save Liam? Harry mused.

But then again, on the other hand, Harry knew he had made a mistake by kissing Liam. He just signed up for another painful rejection. What was he thinking? Dreaming of having a love story like Zayn and Louis', making the assassin fall for him?

Liam doesn't believe in love or petty feelings. Harry always gets disappointed whenever he hopes for Liam to just give him an answer. Yes or no. Always vague rejections, never a solid answer. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so.

Harry turned on his side, burying his head into his pillow as he felt his eyes water. He hated how vulnerable he was to emotions. How every little thing made him cry. He wasn't cut out for fame, but he was stubborn. It was Harry's dream to work with a camera. And he got it.

But the hate was the price to pay. The no privacy. The clingy ex girlfriends. And those things sometimes became too much for Harry, who doesn't have that thick skin as he should have.

And Harry hated himself for being such a wuss.

After Liam had stormed off without sparing Harry so much as a glance, Harry had stood there at the balcony for a good few minutes, processing the rejection he had just faced, but also not forgetting that Liam had-- only for a few seconds but nonetheless-- kissed him back.

And Harry didn't follow him. Because he knew Liam would shut the door in his face, or tell him to grow up and get rid of his stupid crush, or remind him that theirs was a work relationship.

God. Harry hated that man as much as he not-hated him.

Harry had stood there, his hands on the railing, restraining himself to not go after Liam. But he couldn't stop himself, and had went after him.

But Liam hadn't been in his room. And Harry hated how he felt relieved that he didn't have to face Liam.

Harry was a wuss. He didn't even fight for Liam. Stupid flirting doesn't count. So he sure as hell doesn't deserve Liam's love.

And so he had gotten back to his room with a heavy heart, and junped straight into bed, trying but failing to stop thinking about Liam.

Harry then made up his mind. He wasn't going to try chasing after something that isn't in his reach in the first place.

Working with Liam is going to be too painful for him, and too annoying for Liam. They need to their separate ways.

Harry was going to talk to Jackie first thing tomorrow, as tomorrow was also their last day in London, marking the start of Harry's two month break from work, and same for Liam.