Phan Oneshots

My Brave Little Lion

The doctor said it could just be general stomach aches caused by bad food and will wear off.

But just to be safe, he took a blood test and we'll have more information next week.

Me and Phil are so relieved from the doctors analogy. Honestly, I thought it could have been something serious.

I'm just glad that my little lion is safe :')

Dan

xx

Dear diary,

Me and Phil have practically caught up over these past few days.

Watched movies together, made out a bit.

It was like we repatched out relationship.

I also told him that I loved him again and he told me that he loved me more!

Dan

xx

Dear diary,

Only tomorrow and we find out the results for Phil.

I'm not particularly nervous since the doctor didn't seem to be.

Phil does though...I don't know why...

Dan

xx

Dear diary,

We found out the results.

Phil has cancer.

I....I don't even know...

Dan.

Dear diary,

Over the past few weeks, Phil's opened up to me even more.

He told me about te constant pain in his abdomen for the past few weeks.

And the vomiting and coughing.

As well as the blood.

I'm so scared.

Dan.

Dear diary,

Phil asked me today if I would still love him when he's on his deathbed and if I would remember him when he was gone.

I ended up bursting into tears making us have a heart to heart conversation about life and told him - no begged him to to speak like that.

After that, I told him of course I would.

And then he asked me if I would still find him attractive whilst pale as ever, hair falling out in clumps and breath unsteady in a firm hospital bed with wires attatched to his arm.

I said yes again. I said no matter how he would look, I would hink he was beautiful. And that it wouldn't matter anyway, that wouldn't stop me from loving him because of our history and love.

Dan x

Dear diary,

My brave little lion is dying.

I want him to be happy all the time, I want to give him all of my love.

And above all else, I don't want him to know how much I am hurting inside.

I love him, and I need to be strong.

Dan.

Dear diary,

Phil is taking chemotherapy drugs prescribed by the doctors to try to help more.

He's weaker than ever.

He says it feels like he's been given a death sentence and the tratment gives him hope. But when it finished, it will make him feel vunerable again.

He says he worried about me when he's gone but I keep begging him to stop talking like that.

I've also noticed how much he has started to appretiate everything around him. His attention to the little things wonders me.

Dan x

Dear diary,  

Phil's been crying almost every night and I try to help him stop. This is a mess.

Dan.

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Dear diary,

I haven't written in a while huh.

So...Phil.

He had a lot of treatment.

I used to play this game in the hospital to guess the drink I would get him and he would never get it right, but it was so fun.

Until the doctors said it wasn't safe fluids.

.

Phil Lester, died on Sunday, August the 17th.

.

His last words were directed to me and the weird thing was, he had a smile on his face.

A small smile as if saying that the cancer may beat him but it couldn't ruin him.

His smile made me smile too as tears streamed down my face and I clutched onto him desperatly.

I remember how I continuously murmured the same things.

"I love you Phil."

"I love you so fucking much."

"You're perfect."

"I'm still so in love with you."

"You're my brave little lion."

"I love you."

The last words my he uttered made me let out a choked laugh as I rest my head on his chest for the next few peacful minutes of silence until he left me.

"Y-You...You're...amazing, Dan."