The Deal (Billdip one shot)

Supposed Anonymity

"Well, what a coincidence," The man said, grinning insanely widely and bending down to meet his height. "Been a while, Pinetree."

Pinet-

"Bill Cipher?!" Dipper exclaimed, expression twisting to surprise. That asshole from college?!

"Yep, you grew a little taller," Bill giggled, walking into his personal space and comparing their heights.

Dipper was too consumed with memories of this popular asshole, mercilessly teasing him every time they saw each other, ruining any party he got invited to. Pranking him shamelessly in any way. God, he ruined everything for him.

A tan hand waving in his face snapped him back into reality, and he was suddenly aware of how very close Bill was. He didn't scream in surprise, mind you. He let out a manly yell.

"Yeesh, warn me next time," Bill murmured, wincing.

"Wh- what're you doing here?!" Dipper demanded, scrambling backwards away from him and hiding behind the dresser.

"Hmm, I was supposed to be meeting someone here," Bill said, making him tense. "Think my watch is off-"

Dipper gripped the dresser hard, watching as Bill's gears seemed to be turning and a single blue eye locked onto his, the man's jaw dropping slightly.

"N- nope, nope nope," Dipper muttered, moving quick enough to evade Bill's plan to catch him before he could escape. He grabbed a pillow and did his best to look threatening with it.

"Hey-"

"Don't hey me, mister," Dipper growled, maneuvering himself to the corner nearest to the door. "You're an hour late, asshole!"

He glared heatedly at the blond. Then he remembered something.

"Th- this was supposed to be anonymous!" Dipper screeched, hugging the pillow.

"Y yeah- please stop being so loud," Bill said, wisely keeping his distance, not wanting to spook him. "Pinetree, put the pillow down and let's talk like civilized folk."

"No! Don't call me Pinetree!"

"Pinetree-"

"No!"

"Ok, stop yelling!"

"No!!"

"Oh my god- calm down!"

Dipper shook his head, burying his face into the pillow and screaming into it. He would not calm down, dammit! Not only is his supposed-to-be anonymous date someone he knows, but it's someone he couldn't stand in college!

With a groan, he lifted his head, becoming quickly alarmed to find Bill right in his face and before he could scream -an apparent weakness of Bill's- his mouth was covered by his hand.

"Stop. Screaming," Bill said, looking the most serious Dipper ever saw him be. "Are we ready to talk now?"

Petulantly, Dipper shook his head, opting to lick his palm.