"Buzz.buzz." I turned off my alarm and opened my eyes. It was time to pray fajr "alhamdulila hil ladhi ahyana ba'da ma amatana wa ilayhin nushoor" I performed my wudhu and woke my parents and brothers up.
"Noor turn on the car!" my father yelled from the bathroom. I found the keys and slid on my slippers and went out to turn the car on so that we could go to the masjid to pray.I sat inside, waiting for them to come, I started to recite Surah muminoon. That would be the day I became a hafidh. The best and worst day of my life.
4 years later
"I wasn't always like this, there was a time when I actually cared."
Class started and she walked in late. We all stared at her as she walked in late mumbling to herself, she looked up and scanned the room and found Mrs. Ross. Walking up to the teacher she whispered something and looked to the floor.
"Class this is Layla, she's new here. Take a seat, you already wasted time coming in late"said Mrs.Ross rolling her eyes. She looked around and looked to the empty seat beside me. Don't sit here,don't sit here.
I looked at her from the corner of my eye and was irritated. I looked away from her anger forming in my heart. Why is she here? I thought, weren't there other schools for her to go to. She didn't have to come here dressed in an abaya and hijab. I tuned out the rest of class and ran out of the room the second the bell rang.
Seeing her in the next couple of classes except for second period I was looking forward to lunch. I met up with my friends Alex and Rob and my girlfriends Faith and Alison. They were both blonde haired blue eyed cheerleaders.Yeah I know I had two girls, one was supposed to be my side but it had gotten to confusing to keep up with so I kept them both. I convinced them that if they wanted to date me they would have to share.
I sat at my table and my girls started serving me food. Alex just looked at me and rolled his eyes while Rob looked at me in awe "I still don't understand this"he said looking at the girls " Is it because he's good looking, I mean we could all grow a beard if we felt like it." I looked at him smugly and replied "My girls know how to keep me happy, right girls?" Faith nodded her head up and down and Alison just stroked my beard.
I started eating my food and Layla was staring at me in shock. It looked like she heard what I said. Anger and some other feeling was stirring in my chest, I looked straight at her and was about to say something when Faith said "What do you want? And what are you wearing you look like a terrorist nun."
My eyes snapped to Faith " Shut the hell up Faith" I said in a threatening voice. I looked to see if she was still there but she was walking away. I looked at Faith and whispered in her ear " You're forgetting you're place, do you want to be outed?"I finished with a growl. I saw her tremble and mumble a sorry.
I looked around at my friends and got up and walked out the doors to control myself. I took out a cigarette, lit it up and sucked, instantly feeling calmer.
"Noor is that you?" A voice said sounding surprised. I turned around and couldn't believe it my old friend Musa. I smiled immediately and dropped my cigarette to give him a hug.
"Assalamualaykum! How are you akhi? I haven't seen you in years!"
"I'm good how have you been?"
"Alhamdulilah I've been better..." He sounded extremely upset so I asked "what's up with you?, you don't sound to good"
" I don't want to talk about it at least not over here. How about I meet you at the masjid at Asr time, I really need someone to talk to" he said this to me and there were tears in his eyes. I couldn't say no to him.
"Ok akhi I'll see you there"
"In sha Allah and Noor I know something's bothering you I can just feel it and see it you don't need to tell me anything but I want you to know I'll always be here for you" as he said this he pointed to the cig I dropped and I looked away ashamed. Rubbing the back of my neck I quickly nodded. Those words hurt my heart.
"So you go to school here now Musa?"
I looked into his now clear brown eyes.
" Yeah my parents decided it would be best for Layla and I to go to public school at this time"
"Layla?"
"My little sister, you forgot? Well it has been about four years since you stopped the Islamic school."
I remembered who Layla was at that time she was a shy girl,a year younger than us with light brown eyes and creamy skin, I guess she still was.All of the girls in our grade were jealous of her and tormented her for years because her brother was Musa and my friend. I didn't stop it and Musa didn't know about it. I guess it was because she was the only girl that I would actually acknowledge existed and not ignore, which is exactly what I did with the others. They all wanted my attention but I couldn't care less.
"Oh yeah I remember I had a couple of classes with her already. You headed inside right now?" I asked quickly changing the subject.
" yeah I just stepped out to pray dhur salah, what class do you have next?"
" I have weight room next you should have it too if you're gonna be on the wrestling team here" I said as we walked into the cafeteria.
"Yeah I have the same, I already spoke to the coach abo..." He stopped abruptly when he saw Faith and Alison cling to me. I was shocked and he was shocked and then Alison asked " who's this handsome man?"
I stared at her surprised and about to yell at her when Alex came up and greeted Musa
"Yo man what's up!" And then so did Rob.
They then explained that they all met when Musa spoke to the wrestling coach.
Musa then threw a questioning look at me and then at the girls. The bell range before I could say anything and we left for the weight room.
As they were changing I went into a corner and changed in privacy.
I wasn't on the wrestling team as I wasn't fond of touching other men in that way even if it was innocent. After I quickly changed I came out and saw the others ready to head out. While everyone else wrestled I was more into boxing. Grabbing my gear I left before Musa, trying to avoid a confrontation about the girls. Climbing up the stairs I could feel Musa's stare burning through my back. We worked out quietly and finished the rest of the day having the same classes. As I was heading out of our last class Musa stopped me and reminded me about meeting him at the masjid. I then waited for my younger brother Umar and we got into the car. "How was your day?" I asked him. "It was fine Alhamdulilah,how was yours Hafidh Noor with your girlfriends" my brother said sarcastically. He was in ninth grade and found out about my sides recently. I didn't have to justify what I did at school to my brother however I had convinced him to not tell my parents. I didn't need them to know.
I parked the car and pulled out the keys and unlocked my front door. Saying Bismillah and Assalamualaykum my brother pushed past me and walked in. He had no respect for me and I knew I didn't deserve it anyways. I said Salam to my mother and kissed her on her cheeks three times.
I climbed the stairs and headed straight for the shower. I didn't like using the showers in school because it made me feel vulnerable and unsafe and not to mention they were disgusting. And I didn't like feeling anything but control over my surroundings.
I sat in my room and looked at the time it was only three thirty leaving me with enough time to do my homework. I turned on my laptop and opened iTunes and chose a Surah at random. It was Surah Muminoon. It had to be a sign I never picked that Surah in the last four years at random I even tried one day to do it but it never worked. It brought back too many memories.
One thing I never left from my religion in these last few years was the Quran. Sure I didn't follow what it said but I never felt the desire to abandon it, even though I was.
Before I could change it the ayaat about salah came "and those who keep a guard on their prayers; these are they who are the heirs, who shall inherit the paradise; they shall abide therein forever" I stopped it and felt something grip my heart tight I felt a tear fall down my cheek. My hands started to tremble and I couldn't stop. I got up and preformed wudhu and for the first time in the last four years I prayed.
