Brooklyn

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"I still can't believe you're wearing that in a bar in Boston," Ty says, squinting at my Phillies hat as he sets his drink down on the bar. "Guts. You've got 'em, Brooklyn,"

"Maybe. It's not like I'm wearing Yankees crap," I shrug. "Besides. I'm a little homesick. I miss Philly. I miss baseball," I admit.

"And Philly cheesesteak sandwiches," he sneaks in. "That's what I'd miss,"

"Wow. How cliche," I tease, taking the last sip of my beer before setting the empty glass down on the bar and hopping off my stool and grabbing a pool cue from the rack beside us. I don't know. It's great here. I just miss a lot of little things. Some big things, too. Like Sophie,"

"And Harrison," he says quickly. He's smiling, but his tone suggests he's anything but happy.

I say nothing. It's better that way. Harry and Sophie left 3 weeks ago, but Ty has found a way to bring him into every conversation we've had since.

He grabs a pool cue and racks up the balls, as I lean down and aim to take my shot.

"Well it's a good thing we're going to Philly this weekend then," he smiles. My heart pounds. I know I said I wanted him to come to Jack and Autumn's wedding, but I'm starting to question my decision. He just kind of assumed he was invited and at the time it was easier than hurriedly saying I wanted to go alone. Now we're days away, with airfare and a booked hotel room.

"You can take me to a game. I'll wear my Red Sox jersey. We'll be even,"

"I'll act like I don't know you," I warn.

"You could never," he laughs.

"Wanna bet?" I smile. "It's not like they're playing the Red Sox when we're going to be there. You'll just look lost,"

"Worth it to see the look on your face," he smiles, then tugs the bill of my hat down over my eyes before he takes his shot. I raise it slightly and see him scooting a ball over to position it for the perfect shot.

"Hey! You're a cheater," my eyes widen.

"That's the look," he says with a bright smile as he steps closer to me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You're gorgeous, Brook. I do it for the shock factor,"

My heart pounds when his thumb brushes over my cheek bone. I put my hand on his and hold it there for a second, staring into his eyes, willing myself to understand what's going on in my own head.

We're a little drunk.

His lips inch closer to mine. I have a split second to change my mind, but I don't. I let him kiss me. His lips are warm and soft, but I feel nothing. It's exactly what I figured.

This beautiful man who cares about me, who seems perfect for me and has never done me wrong, is not what I want.

He is amazing, but he is not Harrison.

The fact that I'm now thinking about Harry while Ty is kissing gives me a lot of answers.

I pull away.

"I'm sorry," I shake my head and touch my lips with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let that happen,"

"Why not?" He asks softly, reaching for my hand. "We could be so good,"

"I can't," I tell him, squeezing his hand gently before pulling it away. "I'm sorry. It's not fair to you. We've been hanging out for months with this elephant just sitting in the room, but I can't do it anymore. I thought with time, maybe things would change for us, but it's not going to change for me,"

He frowns and drops my hand, stepping away to rack up the balls again and set his cue against the table. He's upset. He's always quiet when something doesn't turn out the way he'd hoped.

"Because of Harrison," he says matter-of-factly. "Which is bullshit. We're fine for months. Everything is great, for months, and he shows up here and you're sucked in again. Don't you remember what he put you through?"

"Yeah," I say quickly. "Of course I do,"

"You cried on my shoulder about that asshole," he reminds me. "You moved away,"

"I didn't say this has anything to do with Harry,"

"Everything has to do with Harry," he smiles sadly. "Always has,"

I take a deep breath and rest my cue against the table beside his.

"I think I should go home alone this weekend," I say. He cringes when I call Philly my home. "It's for the best. For all of us,"

"And then what? You go home, play pretend with Harrison and come back to me?"

"Of course I'm coming back," I smile. "I live here,"

"For now," he says softly, grabbing his keys from his pocket as he walks toward the door.

I let out a long breath and follow him, stopping face to face with him just outside the bar. It's a clear, hot night. Traffic is buzzing around and here I am staring at Ty in the glow of the city lights.

"I'm sorry this isn't turning out the way you thought. I'm sorry I let you kiss me. I'm sorry that I can't be who you need me to be, or even close," I smile sadly. "But I can't lie to you, and I can't lie to myself anymore. I have to go home to Philly. I have to see for myself. I can't be happy until I do. Please don't hate me for that,"

He swallows and lets out a long breath.

"You're my best friend, Ty. I know you don't like him. I know you think I'm crazy for all of it, but please don't make me feel guilty for something I need to do. Please just understand,"

"I wish I could, Brook," he smiles. "But I'm not sure I ever will,"

I close my eyes after he pulls his phone out to find an Uber. It's late. After midnight. I've had too many drinks, and maybe what I'm saying or how I'm saying it doesn't sound like me at all.

We ride back to our homes in silence, with Ty pressed against the window of the opposite side of the car.

I can't clear my head of the things Harry said while he was here. All this time I figured he had moved on. He's gorgeous; anyone would want him. I was surprised to know he seems to miss me as much as I've come to realize I've been missing him.

Ty flipped when he found out I let Harry stay at my house for a few nights until Sophie was okay to fly home. We never quite found the right time to finish the conversation we started in the hospital, but having him so close felt nice. Breakfast together. Lunch. Dinners.

We played board games with Sophie. We took a walk by the water. We had so much fun.

Nothing happened between us, but everything felt different that morning when I went with them to the airport to say goodbye.

I gave Sophie the biggest hug I think I ever have. Every time we say goodbye it just gets harder. And when Harry stepped closer to me and gently touched my arm, I instinctively opened mine to pull him into a hug. He was warm and strong and smelled so familiar. My heart was pounding when I pulled away and said goodbye.

I've been thinking of that moment ever since.

I want another moment like that.

I want to dance at his brother's wedding, and sit with him at dinner. I want to go to a Philly's game with our daughter and get sick to our stomachs on hot dogs and cotton candy.

I want a few more memories with Harrison, in case everything stays broken. In case they are our last.

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