Love Without a Name

Chapter Twelve: An Anxious Mind

Word Count: 3496
Warnings: Language, aftermath of panic attack, anxiety, fluff at the end

My fingers drag through Phoebe's fur as I lay on my back in bed. The lights are off, music playing softly in the background from my laptop to drown out any silence, and to keep my mind occupied. I watch as the fan above me spins lethargically, not enough to make the room cold, but enough that there is a small gust of air moving about the room.

Tessa lifts her head and places it against my hip from where she is laying between my legs. They can feel it, the tension in my body that seems to be haunting me. I had been up, moving around the room twenty minutes before, digging through some old notes, trying to find anything that I could do to distract myself from my panicked mind. The options reminding me to do some self-care, and that it was normal to still feel anxious and tired for the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours.

The sound of someone moving in the hallway catches my attention, but the person behind the door doesn't poke their head in, which I can't blame them. When I had arrived home with Harrison, wrapped tightly in a blanket, Sam and Harry had been waiting in the living room. The two of them had rushed toward me, causing me to put my hands up and my breath to accelerate slightly.

"Give her room, mates. She's had a rough day." Harrison grips my shoulder gently, squeezing it to give me something to focus on. Breathe in, and out.

"Is there anything we can get you, (Y/N)?" Sam asks, voice soft. I shake my head my eyes landing on Phoebe who was coiling around my ankles. How long had she been there? "That's okay, why don't you go lay down. I bet you're tired."

I nod, leaning down to scoop up Phoebe in my arms. She purrs loudly at the contact, and I press a kiss into her fur before smiling at the boys. "Thanks for coming to the rescue Haz. I don't know what would have-"

"Hey," Harrison squeezes my shoulder as he notices the tears forming in my eyes. "You never have to worry about calling us, and you are safe." His voice punches out the last three words, trying to bury them deep in my subconscious. I nod again before slipping out from under his grasp, walking down the hall back to my room, Tessa on my heels.

I turn my head and look at the clock on the nightstand. I sigh, seven twenty-three. The whole day gone, and wasted. I wanted to get more things done today. I swallow, throat dry from lack of use. Slowly, I sit up, Phoebe launching herself out of my arms and onto the bed while Tessa lifts her head to look at me. "C'mon you two, let's go see who is moving about the apartment." It's probably one of the boys. I slowly crawl off the bed, the girls jumping off to follow me to the door. My sock clad feet barely make a noise as I walk down the hall to the kitchen. The sound of the kettle whistling in combination of something boiling causes me to pause, my mind going through the options of who could really be in my kitchen. I poke my head around the doorframe and met with the back of none-other-than my mother-in-law. "Nikki?"

She turns her head and gives me a small smile, "Thought you could use a mum for the night, that okay?"

I look at her for a few seconds, my eyes already brimming with tears as I nod and briskly walk over to her and wrap my arms around her torso. I sob into her shoulder, her hand smoothing down my hair and shushing me.

She presses a quick kiss to my temple before speaking. "I called your mum and asked if there was anything you liked as a comfort food. She said you like home-made soup; hope that's okay?"

"Soup on a summer evening, yeah, sounds perfect." I let out a wet laugh.

Nikki pulls away, but only so that I am at arm's length before pressing a quick kiss to my forehead. She squeezes my arms before letting go and motioning for me to sit. "You get settled, and you and I can talk about anything you want to talk about, okay?" I nod, bringing a hand to my face to wipe away the tears staining my cheeks. "Darling, would you like some tea?"