Shutter Speed

Day 1,340

As soon as she taped the last box, I leapt to it and refused her request to carry the box herself. She was fully capable of doing so, sure, but I made sure to help in any way I could. I wanted to do everything for her whenever I got a chance - especially because she used to refuse help from everyone. Ellie had an unfortunate devil on her shoulder telling her she was a burden to those who loved her. That little devil couldn't have been more wrong.

Ellie followed my lead down to the truck. As soon as the box left my hand and slid into the back of the truck, I slid myself closer to Ellie. She had a gravitational pull on me that everyone seemed to notice. There were moments when it nearly physically hurt me to be too far away from her. There's a fine line between being in love and having an unhealthy obsession, and I danced that fine line quite frequently when it came to Ellie. What often decides the difference between the two is mutual feelings, and I thank every universal being for Ellie's affinity to me. I still don't know what she saw in me, but whatever it was I'm glad she did.

Logan closed and locked up the truck, and I felt Ellie's arms loop around me. I grinned, as I always did when she was near, and wrapped my arm around her shoulders in return, pulling her into me. Ellie tilted her head and left a lingering kiss on my shoulder, and I kissed her forehead to return the gesture.

"Blue bays," she mumbled into my shoulder. I cocked my head back, sending her a questioning look. She chuckled, repeating herself, "Two days."

I nodded with clarity. "Two days," I repeated to her. She stared at me and I hesitated, the butterflies in my stomach preventing me to move. Even after four years, she gave me butterflies. Just thinking about kissing Ellie makes my stomach do flips. I leaned forward, sliding my hand to her cheek and pulling her closer to me. She gave into the kiss and I resisted her attempt to pull away.

I had forgotten that Logan was still nearby until her voice interrupted. "It's disgusting how much you two love each other," she paused and scoffed lightly before mumbling, "makes me miss Cameron." Logan shoved her hands into her sweatshirt, searching for warmth in the January air.

Logan and Cameron "Cammie" Bailey were in a long distance flirtationship. They hadn't made it official, but they were in love just the same. I've only met Cammie a handful of times, but I was more focused on Ellie in those moments than I was on Logan's partner. It's nothing against Cammie in anyway. She's a very polite woman who brings out the soft side of Logan that no one else seems to be able to do, but she was shy and timid in those moments. Granted, I wasn't much better at socializing and often hid behind Ellie's outgoing personality. I have a feeling Cammie occasionally did the same, but that could be me projecting an image of myself onto her.

"She left two days ago to go back to school. You're sulking already?" Ellie teased Logan.

"Okay," Logan held her hands up in defense. "First of all," her eyebrow cocked at Ellie, "you two were just sulking over the fact that you'll be apart for two days. And second of all, yes. Yes I am sulking already." Logan exaggerated a pout and dramatically crossed her arms over her chest.

"Time is relative," I argued back to Logan, "your two days are more than valid. However, our two days are longer than yours."

Logan squinted at me for a moment. I felt Ellie's hand grip onto my clothing a little harder and I resisted the smile that played at the corner of my lips. A moment or two passed before the urge to smile disappeared and I began to wonder what Ellie was holding onto me for. It's possible she was trying to slow down those two days, as if the tighter she held onto me the longer we'd have together. Logan's face relaxed as if she had finally processed what I said and given up on her arguments against me.

We went to eat before Ellie and Anne left for Oregon. Logan was choking back every emotion she could throughout the entire meal. That was the last meal Logan and Ellie shared. It was the last moment they had in person together. Logan knew those were the last moments she had with Ellie. She knew that was goodbye. At least, at the time that was goodbye. She didn't know she'd see Ellie again, and it showed. I'd never seen anyone clench their jaw more within a two hour period than Logan during that meal.

I felt for Logan. I obviously still do. She had to watch people she cared about most in the world die on multiple occasions. The worst part is she hasn't even reached her 20th birthday yet. Maybe there's more I can do for Logan – more ways I can be there for her. None of us are suffering alone after losing Ellie. Everyone Ellie came into contact with couldn't help but love her.

Logan and Ellie shared a hug that lingered with a sting after they pulled away from one another. Logan hugged Anne even tighter, the both of them finding comfort in each other. Ellie pulled me into an embrace and whispered into me, "Just two days."

"Two days," I repeated back to her. I'd see her again in two days once I flew out to Oregon to join her.

Logan finally released a tear once Anne and Ellie drove away, leaving for the airport. The movers would meet them in a few days and by then, I'd be there to help Ellie unpack her entire life from cardboard boxes into her last temporary home.

As Ellie drove away, I couldn't help but feel a tinge of anger brew inside me at the sense of reality hitting me. I was losing her and it felt more real than ever in that moment. Logan Spencer and I stood side-by-side, tears escaping both of us for different reasons over the same person.

"Call Cammie," I muttered through my long, slowed breaths. Logan cocked an eyebrow at me, wiping her cheek. "Take advantage of every moment you can with her." I didn't have to explain myself any further.

Logan understood my words and their richer meanings. She nodded, "I will. I always will."

Anger and sadness create the weirdest of mixtures that I can't begin to express in simple terms. Knowing I was losing Ellie created the most painful black hole within me. The more I thought about losing her, the more painful it was. Time, being our biggest obstacle, hurt me the most whenever I'd think about it. I wish I would have known how our story was going to end. I wish our beginning had been earlier. I wish I would've convinced Ellie to be there earlier – to be with me earlier. 

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Chapter song: "Without You" by Ashes Remain

Until next time,
Aiden :)