Odd-eyed Beauty // hwang minhyun (#27)

Fourteen

Yeongwon

He is nuts, he can't possibly do that, he doesn't have the ability to convince me to go back to school. He is just a regular classmate, the one who sat down next to me by coincidence and definitely is too friendly to me. He is just testing the waters and he is trying to get closer to me for his own benefit, getting close to someone like me is definitely not a benefit, everyone gets unlucky if they get too close to me. There is no way that he is in his right mind to be talking to me like this, to be even coming here to my house is shocking enough to determine that he is crazy as heck.

Does he say that he can convince me to go back to that school? There is no way that he can do that, even if I go back to school, there will be no one who is happy that I am back. I bet that everyone is elated and relieved that I am finally gone after being in their sight for almost 3 years, they have been wishing for me to be gone and now that I have done what they wanted me to, I don't even think that I have a place there anymore.

I bet that my seat has been taken away from the class as if I don't exist anymore, there is a possibility that might have happened, it's been 3 days since I have attended school and there is a lot of things that they can do in 3 days. They could have thrown a party for my farewell and they would've celebrated every single day that I am not here, everyone will start to forget about me because I am not important and my presence is just a hindrance to them. 

"Hahaha, that is really funny! Can you say that again?" I shoot a glare towards that person that caused a scene outside my window, he is now sitting in the living room watching cartoons with my younger brother who is 5 years younger than me. I didn't invite him to my house, my younger brother was the one who did that. I swear that I will chase him out by dinner time, my parents wouldn't be pleased that there is a guy is in the house other than my younger brother. 

"So I was younger and I accidentally mistook my sister's shoes for mine and I wore it to school because they are the same size but it was pink and it was embarrassing for me to wear something so feminine--" I cleared my throat and my brother looks at me, not knowing why I did that.

"Have you have enough fun? If you have, please leave. I have allowed you to stay in my place for far too long." I told Hwang Minhyun. "I'm not going back to school, I'm done with this school and I am going to transfer by the end of this week."

I haven't asked my parents about considering to transfer to another high school to start the refresh, I really can't stay any longer in that high school with those toxic people. "But our father and mother doesn't know about it yet--"

My parents have no idea how I was being treated in school, I dare not tell them either so I am literally skipping school without them even knowing. "Bae JinYoung, can you shut up? Please get this intruder out of the house, I didn't say that you can bring him in."

"But he is here to save you, he said that he can. Because he is your friend and friends stay by your side in times of trouble."

"He is not my friend!" I snapped at my own brother, I had enough of him being so gullible to people that he barely know. "Why do you think that he is my friend?"

"He knew that you were going to harm yourself again, you were going to cut your wrists with the penknife that you have in your stationery holder." My eyes widened at his comment. How did he even... "So I was right about that, you were really going to do that."

I stood up in rage. "I wasn't going to do that, I stopped doing that already," I told him, there is no way that I have stopped self-harming myself, it was the only way that I could survive for this long.

"Then explain the marks on your wrist, you can't hide that from me and you are also wearing a long-sleeved shirt right now, you would also wear that when you have that fresh cuts on your wrist." I had the instinct to hide my wrists away as soon as he said that. "Noona, you really need help right now and Minhyun hyung can help you with that."

Who does he think that he is? "What can you even help? You only pretended to get close to me so that people will praise you for being so brave to a Medusa, that's the only reason why you wanted to talk to me right?"

"No, that is total nonsense." His voice was low but firm at the same time. "Why do I need to pretend to get close to you? I did get close to you because I want to know you better because you seemed like someone that I have failed to help a year ago."

What is he saying? "What do you mean?" I looked around the living room and I just realized that my younger brother was gone, he had gone back to his room when I was still talking to Hwang Minhyun.

"I had made a very good friend back at my old school but I was afraid of telling people that I was friends with him because he was getting bullied by most of the people, I was afraid that I might become just like him so I pretended that I didn't know him at all to save my own ass. His name was Cha Hoon and he was one of the sweetest person that I have ever met and I have no idea why they wanted to bully a boy who is too pure for the this world. That went on for about a year ago before he couldn't take it anymore, it was the day after the exams and I wasn't there with him, he was gone before I even know about it." He exhaled deeply and I could see tears at the side of his eyes, he is going to cry very soon.

"You were being very selfish and it is your fault that you chose not to be there for him, you are such a jerk and you think that you can help me this time."

"I did help you, you could've killed yourself sooner or later if I hadn't come to visit you." He was right, all the bad thoughts of harming myself to the point that I wanted to kill myself had disappeared as soon as he came over. "You lost a chance at ending your life because I was there to stop it, I saved your life and you are not grateful for it?"

"I don't need your help at all, I have been like this my whole life and nothing had helped me at all except for self-harming. That is the only thing that had kept me going for the past few years." I told him, kneeling down as I couldn't take it anymore. Why is he being so insistent for?

"And you don't think that one person is enough to help you get through it?" I shook my head. "It is because you told no one how much you are suffering inside and you had to resort to harming you so that you would feel better, that is such a stupid way of reliving your frustrations."

I wanted to yell at him for that but he is right, I am indeed very stupid for doing this to myself. I find myself sobbing really bad at that one comment that he made about me, I had finally admitted that self-harming myself is the worst thing of relieving my stress. And the problem why I am still suffering from depression is that I tell no one about it, I kept it to myself and hid the truth to anyone who wanted to help me.

I pretended that I was feeling fine but I clearly wasn't, it was hard, to tell the truth to people but with a little bit of encouragement, I can definitely seek help and get better. Those people in school don't matter much to me, I just needed to overcome that barrier and get stronger mentally. I still have my loved ones with me, my parents and my younger brother, they will be sad if I am gone.

I uncovered my hands from my face as I am done crying and he is still there in the living room, kneeling next to me with a box of tissues paper in my hand. "Feeling better already?"

I nodded. "How can you start convincing me to go back to school?" I asked him. I think that I can start trusting him little by little, as my self-confidence, it will get higher and higher and soon I am able to open up my heart to the others, starting from Hwang Minhyun.