Treading Water

17 - Ebbing Waters

We wrap it up for the day and head back to my place. Abigail is there, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, a tell-tale sign that Sam has blabbed to her that I up and out of bed now. I'm going to complain though; something smells delicious and I am hungry. Over the last 8 days I have managed to lose 5 kilos, and I really wasn't carrying any excess, so my hips are looking gaunt and just downright awful.

Slipping into my cosy sweats and jumper, I curl up on the couch and observe my darling friends as they banter in the kitchen over their preparations. For the first time since 'He' left, I actually feel something, not an emotion I can be proud of though, guilt. These two yet again stuck by my side, and I pushed them away, yet here they are. Though I still find it hard to accept that anyone is capable of loving me, maybe I can accept them liking me a lot. They sure do deserve recognition for that.

This continued for five more days. Sam collected me, had me protected at the studio and then brought me home to a home cooked meal made by Abi. Jeremy even swung by a couple of nights, to enjoy the meal and Sam's adorable company of course. Abi's cooking has been to die for, I've even managed to gain two kilos again with all these carbs she's been loading me up with.

Today is Day 14 Post Arden. I still miss him like crazy. I don't talk about him; I can't cope with the flood of emotions that comes once I open myself up. So instead, I keep the thoughts locked away, somewhat hoping that the now tainted memories will drift away on ebbing waters.

Today, I have agreed to return to our ridiculous early morning workouts, satisfied that the small weight gain has allowed my body to recover. We are now 7 days from the official recital. We have to give it our all, it's crunch time. Final rehearsals will start in two days, the dress rehearsals in four days. To say I'm nervous would be an understatement. Despite this being everything, I ever wanted, I have allowed so many issues, and so many distractions to come between me and my goals.

Sam made me work my ass off, I think he knows that keeping me distracted and busy has been key to getting me back on track. I won't lie, I am far from happy, but I am focused. After three hours at the gym, we head straight to the studio.

Madam Sophie is giving a great big pep talk, almost the same one she does every year, making me smile. We sneak in behind the group of dancers, and lean up against the wall to listen in. My muscles are aching from the shock of returning to the gym, so it's a welcome break.

RING RING RING

"Whose phone is that? Come on team, this is an important week, you know the drill when it comes to calls" Madam Sophie's strict voice is loud and assertive.

"Sorry Madam Sophie, it's mine. I hadn't had a chance to switch it off yet" I call out, pulling it from my bag. It stopped ringing just as I reach it, so I switch the sound off and go to drop it in my bag when it rings again, this time only vibrating in my hands.

"I'm sorry, I need to take this" I whisper to Sam, sneaking outside so I wouldn't disturb the group again. Looking at the screen, I have no idea who it is which is why I'd decided to answer.

"Hello?" I'm pretty hesitant, given I don't know who is calling.

"Emerson? Emerson is that you?" A soft female voice asks, a thick Irish accent coming through.

"Yes, this is she, who am I speaking with.... wait, Ashling is that you?" a note of excitement escapes me, the first form of contact I've had that is anywhere being close to Arden.

"Yes, of course Emerson. Oh, I am so glad I reached you. Now I have you, I need to ask, what the fuck?!" her soft voice has harsh undertones, and has been raised on octave.