Thirty Reasons Not to Date a Player

21. He's Got Pride Issues

A crush is called a crush because that's how you feel when you realize that they don't like you back.

Crushed. 

And when you're feeling crushed, you generally make very bad decisions.

This I know from personal experience.

"I'm sorry," I say for the umpteenth time on the ride home. "I had no idea that you never kissed anyone before." 

"Well I don't exactly go around broadcasting it to the world," Daniel retorts, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. I watch him for a few seconds, trying to gauge his expression, but he has an unreadable poker face. 

Ryder saw it happen—I'm sure of that much—but Daniel and I made a run for it before he got the chance to approach us. Not that I really expected him to, anyway.  

I feel sick to my stomach. I've already lost Melanie over this whole Ryder thing and now I'm about to lose Daniel, too? When did I become such an idiot? 

"I don't want things to be awkward between us," I say pathetically. 

He doesn't bother to look at me. "Neither do I." 

"Are you mad?" 

"Not mad, I just prefer not to be involved in your boy-drama," he explains. He's mad. 

"I'm sorry," I repeat, although by now the words sound hollow and meaningless. "I promise I'll never do anything like that again." 

"That's the problem," Daniel says. "What if I said that I liked it?" 

I rub my temples, taking a moment to register his question. "Daniel, please don't go there."

"You kissed me." 

"I know but—" 

"Just tell me one thing and I'll forget that this ever happened, okay?" he promises, cutting me off. 

I open my mouth to speak and then close it again, deciding that I'm better off just agreeing. "Okay." 

"Did you do it just to make Rickie jealous—"

"Ryder," I correct.

"Okay, to make Ryder jealous, or was there another reason?" 

My heart thumps in my chest as I contemplate my answer. I imagine Rachel in the back of my mind, warning me that honesty is not always the best policy. But in this case, it is—no matter how painful the truth may be for him to hear. "It was only for Ryder."

"And you felt nothing?"

"I felt nothing," I confirm. But realizing how cold and heartless that sounds out loud, I add, "Daniel, you're one of my closest friends. You're like...a brother to me. And I don't want anything to get in the way of that, okay?"

"Okay," Daniel nods, his jaw clenching slightly.

I bite my lip, guilty. "I'm really sorry." 

I'm not sure if I'll ever stop apologizing. 

* 

By the following Monday, I decide to pretend that the whole thing never happened. I'm done letting Ryder control me. I'm done being jealous of him and Nicolette, and I'm done screwing over all my friends because of him.

I'm just done. 

As I approach my locker, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I notice Ryder standing around nearby. He appears to be waiting for someone.