Can't Run From You

Chapter 8

On the drive to Will's I couldn't help but feel odd. I kept running words through my head that could fit better than that word but I couldn't find one. Out of place? No. Discombobulated? No. Empty? No too depressing. I wasn't depressed I just had this longing to be with Eli. It was weird. It's almost the same feeling I had when Will and I started dating. When we first started dating I was in the eighth grade. Having Will as my boyfriend was the most grown up thing I'd ever done and when it was new all I wanted was to spend all my time with Will. But at the same time when I was with him it felt more like we were just friends hanging out. It wasn't until we had our first kiss that I realized that this meant more to him than just hanging out. I guess I've just been going with it ever since.

As soon as I pulled into Will's I got off the car and walked up to the door. It was already 7:30ish and I know my parents would want me home by 9, but I texted them anyways asking what time I needed to be home. My mom text be back before I had even reached the door. And of course, she said to be home at 9 on the dot. I knocked on the door and waited. Will's mom was at work, I could tell because her car wasn't there. When Will opened the door, he looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. His hair was wet and so was his body. He only had on some black Nike shorts. The rest of him was bare.

"Hey babe." He smiled as he opened the door to let me in. As soon as I walked into the house Will closed the door behind me and leaned into me. He pushed me up against the wall and kissed me hard. This was new. I didn't know if I liked it. I put my hands on his shoulders and pulled back a bit.

"Mmm babe what's gotten into you?" I asked

"I've been thinking." He said as he kissed my neck.

"I know I said I wanted to wait, but we've been together so long now. And I know you're the girl for me. The girl I want to marry. So why wait?" He had pulled away from my neck to look into my eyes at the last part. His blue eyes were staring into mine and I had no idea what to say or what to do. I was literally pinned between a hard place and a wall. Pun intended.

"You've always said that you wanted to wait though." I said mostly because I had no idea what else to say.

"If you don't want to we don't have to. I just I know I love you, and I want to be with you. I know I'm just springing this on you, but just think about it?" His voice got higher as he said it, like he was really wanting me to think about it. I just looked into his crystal eyes and ran my hands through his hair.

"I will." I said. He gave me his crooked smile and grabbed my hand to lead me toward the couch. He let me sit down then ran up the stairs, when he came back he a navy blanket that was always on his bed as well as a shirt on. I wanted to pull my phone out and text Eli. I should text Molly and Lucy but for some reason I felt like Eli would have the best advice. I'd known her a week but we have been talking every day, we even sit next to each other in every class we have together.

When Will sat down on the couch he wrapped his arm around me and turned the tv on. He put on the guardians of the galaxy. He loved super hero movies and this one was his favorite, it was also one of the only ones I would actually watch. I leaned into Will's chest and tried to watch the movie but I couldn't. Will wants to have sex now. This is so out of nowhere. I love him, right? I mean I should, we've been together for four years now. Everyone already thinks we're having sex so why don't we. I looked at Will who was laughing at something that had happened in the movie. Before I could think twice I turned his chin so he would face me and brought my lips to his. This time it was Will who pulled back. 

"Are you sure?" he asked. As he stared into my eyes. I didn't say anything. I just nodded my head. I sat up a bit and started to kiss him again. I felt his hand on my leg. He pulled it over his lap and I could feel something between my legs. Before I knew it Will stood up and carried me up the stairs and into his room. His hands were on my ass and it felt weird but in a good way maybe. When we reached his room he gently set me down on the bed. His lips were still connected to mine. The whole way to his room his kisses were soft and gentle, but as soon as I was on the bed he started to kiss me harder. His tongue was in my mouth which was different because normally he never used tongue. I could feel the stubble on his chin rubbing against my face. Will gently pushed me back onto the bed and got on top of me. With his knees on either side of my waist he pulled back from me and took his shirt off. I ran my hand over his abs. He just smiled at me. I pulled off my tank top and laid back down. Will leaned down again and put his lips on my neck. He started to kiss down my shoulder but I still had my sports bra on.

"Can I?" he asked. I nodded my head again.

Will pulled me up a bit so I sat up. I raised my hands above my head and Will pulled the bra off. I felt so self-conscious and I know Will could tell. He looked down at my breast then back up at me.

"You're absolutely beautiful." He said to me. I still felt self-conscious. Will had seen me in bathing suits a hundred times but never without one. Never. But I let him keep going. Will put his body against mine. I wrapped my legs around him out of instinct. I could feel him getting hard between my legs. As he kissed me he was thrusting his hips foreword but we still had our clothes on. After a couple of seconds of that he rolled over next to me and pulled the blankets over both of us.

"I'm gonna..." He trailed off. I just said

"Okay." As I started to take off my spandex. Will leaned over to his night stand and pulled something out. I know it was a condom but I didn't let myself look at him. I just stared at the ceiling. I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. For the first time. When Will was done he rolled over and looked me in the eyes for a second before he leaned in and placed his lips on mine. He started to bite my lip a little. He'd never done that before. This was a Will I didn't know. It was weird, but I mean I kind of liked that he was being so, in charge I guess. Will positioned himself on top of me again. When he put it in it felt so uncomfortable. It didn't hurt but it didn't feel good, and Will could tell.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice was a little heavy.

"I'm okay." I nodded. Wills response was to kiss me. The more he moved in and out the more uncomfortable it got. As it kept going his kisses just got sloppier. I could feel him trying not to make noises because his whole chest would hum. As his breathing got faster I could tell he was about to finish. I just wanted this to be over already. The more he kept going the more it started to hurt. When he finally pulled out he was breathless. He collapsed on the bed next to me.

"I love you." He said when he had finally caught his breath. I just looked into his piercing blue eyes and said

"I love you too."

I know that when you have sex you're either supposed to want nothing to do with the guy afterwards or you're supposed to be totally attached to him and you don't want to ever leave him. But I didn't feel any of that, I just felt nothing. We did this thing and I don't feel anything. After about 10 minutes of staring at the ceiling, I got up and put my clothes back on. I felt kind of sore when I got up. Will was asleep and I didn't feel like waking him up. I put my clothes on and walked out. It was already 8:50. As soon as I got in my car I started crying. I sat there for a good 5 minutes just crying, because I knew. I knew I didn't love him.