summer

twelve- hypocricy

"That's bullshit."

"It's not."

"It is."

"It isn't, Sawyer. I literally interviewed you earlier to get to know you. That wasn't for no reason."

"You just felt bad that I was trying and you weren't."

"I did, and that made me realize that I do want to try, because you interest me. You're interesting."

"No, I'm not," Sawyer sighed.

"Sawyer. You're the opposite of everything I thought you were. You're this big, complex, soft, idiot- of course I want to get to know you. Everyone does. You're like a magnet."

"How would you know?"

"I wouldn't, but I'd bet I'm right."

"Just-" Sawyer cut himself off, biting his lip. "Just shut up. I can't- it's so dumb. I don't even know why I'm here. I just- I didn't wanna- I'm sorry." He cut his words off and inhaled softly, clearly attempting to calm himself. "I just didn't wanna be- fuck. Never mind. Goodnight," he said, and started to stand up.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Dylan asked, shooting out a hand to pull Sawyer back down. The LED lights in his room bathed him in blue, and he looked- well- beautiful.

"No. What?"

"You didn't wanna be alone," he whispered. Sawyer eyes widened.

"I didn't say-"

"You didn't have to. If you're anything like me, which I think you are, you never break down in front of people like that. But you did. And I'm sure you're still feeling upset about it, and guilty you 'dragged me into it'," Dylan said, still holding Sawyer's arm. "So I bet that now you're feeling lonely and empty, and you can't rest, and you don't wanna be alone. That's what you were saying, wasn't it? But you felt guilty, because you thought I wouldn't be able to push you away. I don't want to push you away, Sawyer," Dylan rambled, still holding Sawyer's eyes.

"But I- I didn't-"

"It's okay. I don't wanna be alone either," he said, leaning back down in his bed. "Stay here as long as you want. I don't mind."

He was taking a real shot in the dark with his assumption, and he knew he might actually just be exposing more about himself than uncovering Sawyer's feelings, but he'd resolved to be more open around him. He felt so bad, seeing Sawyer so upset, and he wanted to be able to open up to him too.

"Why are you letting me stay here, really? Do you just feel bad or do you really want me here?" Sawyer asked, still sitting at the end of Dylan's bed.

"I don't know," he sighed, letting his body slacken.

"Why? It doesn't make sense, one moment you hate me and the next you're holding me."

"It's because I don't know! I just- I don't understand my emotions, only that I'm sad and tired all the time. It's like, half the time I want to be alone and secluded, but the other half, I don't. I don't know, Sawyer."

"Why are you sad?"

"I don't know," sighed Dylan, putting down his phone.

"Are you depressed?" Asked Sawyer, moving down the bed so he was side by side with Dylan. "Are you okay?"

"No," murmured Dylan, staring up at the ceiling to avoid eye contact with Sawyer.

"Hey, which of my questions were you answering?" Forcefully asked Sawyer, looking worried but also stern.

"I don't know, the second one I guess. I think I'm depressed but... I don't know!" He snapped, throwing his hands up, then quickly regretting it. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap."

"It's okay," Sawyer mumbled, but he sounded upset. "Please don't be sad," he whispered. "I don't like it when you're sad."

"I'm always sad," Dylan sighed. Sawyer opened his mouth to continue, but Dylan flopped his hand over his face. "This isn't supposed to be about me, anyway. This is about you."

"Mmfm," Sawyer attempted, muffled by Dylan's hand. He then burst into laughter, pulling Dylan's hand off his face to laugh even harder.

"What's so funny?" Dylan asked, feeling a smile helplessly spread over his face. Sawyer tried to speak, but couldn't get a word in through his laughter. "Sawyer, what?" Dylan asked.

"I just- you- I'm sorry you have depression," Sawyer said, then laughed even harder than he had before.

"Oh, you think that's funny?" Dylan teased, despite the very evident smile on his face.

"No! No- it's just- we're so fucked up," he said, then covered his face with his hands and laughed harder than Dylan thought was possible.

Sawyer was right- they were both a mess. Dylan began to laugh too, recognizing the humor in their ridiculous amounts of existential angst. Laughter poured out of him, too, and he flopped onto his back to snort in tandem with Sawyer.

"We're so dumb," he giggled, rolling over to face Sawyer.

"Yeah," he replied, and then they both fell into another episode of uncontrollable laughter once more.