"Have you had violent thoughts recently?"
"Yes"
////
Ruby: "I try to have positive thoughts all the time. I mean I'm the leader for god sakes, but when your mind is racing and you can't catch up, you feel like you're going to die."
After a concert, Ruby was seen staring off into space by the other members and was asked if she was okay many times, but she had yet to respond. When the girls went back to their dorms, Ruby was the first person to go to bed without saying good night. And in the morning, she would be the last person to wake up and get dressed because she would complain about not wanting to work that day.
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Interviewer: "Tell us about Ruby"
Aimi adjusted herself in her chair and crossed her legs.
Aimi: "Ruby-ah, Has not been the same recently."
Interviewer: "How so?"
////
The girls decided that they would have a relax day. Their schedule had been cleared for the next five days, so Aimi decided to take the girls out shopping and eating and exploring. All the girls wanted to go except for one: Ruby.
Aimi: "Yah, Ruby. The girls and I are going to go out, you want to come?"
Ruby shook her head no and pulled the covers over head and went back to her phone. Aimi stood there for awhile, hoping to change her mind, but Ruby continued to ignore her. When Aimi told the girls Ruby wasn't coming, Kiki went upstairs to confront her.
Kiki: "Ruby, get up you've been in this bed for almost two days. You need to go out."
Ruby: "Leave me alone! I said I don't want to go!"
Kiki rolled her eyes before going back downstairs. The other girls heard what Ruby said and just decided that they weren't going to wait on her, so they left.
When the girls came back that evening, Minnie went back to her room and saw Ruby passed out drunk with several beer and wine bottles around her. They even saw a few pills next to her as well. The girls contacted their managers, who later contacted paramedics. Ruby was fine, but had passed out due to too much alcohol mixed with prescribed medication pills for migraines.
Interviewer: "How did you feel when the paramedics told you about Ruby?"
Zi started to cry.
Zi: "Do I blame her for feeling that way? No. But she still didn't come talk to us. We're closer than what people show us out to be."
////
Ruby decided to lay off the alcohol for a bit, but her stage presence and stamina were decreasing due to her mental state. When asked how people at ACE entertainment treat idols and trainees that are similar to her, her personal manager rejected that question.
Bambi: "If you're hurt, you put a bandage on and just keep going. We might be feeling horrible, but there are thousands of people in different venues every night waiting for us to heal their pain. So, I think that we have to focus on what's really important here."
Backstage at a concert, Ruby was not feeling her best. She was still ignoring anyone who talked to her and would put on a fake smile onstage. Fans were somehow oblivious to this situation.
Interviewer: " Who's your bias in NVU?"
Fan: "Ruby"
Interviewer: "Why?"
Fan: "She is just so strong and puts on a strong face for everyone. And she's so cute and sophisticated it blows my mind."
////
Interviewer: "Who do you do this for?"
Ruby: " My fans. Because I wouldn't want to do this job for just myself. I feel like crap all the time, but when I see fans looking up at me and singing our songs, it gets me every time."
Interviewer: "Are you tired, most of the time?"
Ruby: "Of course. I've been doing this job for two years now and it never fails to make me feel exhausted."
Interview: " Ruby this might be personal, but have you had violent thoughts recently?"
Ruby: "Yes. Everyday...... I don't think about hurting myself or my members at all. I just think about how hard everything is now compared to before I debuted. Before I was Ruby, I was Seunghyun, before I debuted I was in High School. Before I became a trainee, I could sleep and eat properly. I could walk outside and enjoy life by myself without another person next to me. I could have friends who didn't only care about me because of my job and title.... Before this, I was somebody who wanted to do something and I did. And even after training and practicing and debuting, nothing is more harder than this consistency cycle."
