Violin ≛ Seo Changbin

expectations

It felt weird, really, for the rest of the week. For some reason, we didn't talk or hang out for awhile. It's not that we were doing it on purpose, it's just neither of us reached out. Still, on nights where I snuck out through my balcony, I always lingered there a bit longer in case she would come out to join me, but she never did.

She practiced more often too. Late at night, when most people would already be in dreamland, I would peer outside and see a little ray of light coming from her bedroom window. If I listened closely enough, I could faintly hear the melodic sounds of her violin. I didn't want to disturb her practice, but I missed her company a lot.

One night, I clambered over my balcony and jumped over to hers, something I've done many times before. I walked over to the glass door and saw her playing inside. I knocked and she jumped, surprised, before spotting me and giving a small wave.

"What are you doing here? It's late," she said after opening the door for me.

"I dunno, I guess I just missed you. I hope you don't mind." She shook her head indicating she didn't mind and I sat down on her bed, which was now littered with little plushies I had given her. Her room also had a few posters and pictures hanging on the wall. Most of them appeared to be ones we took at the photo booth from the amusement park or polaroids. It was nice seeing how her room was so decorated and lively now compared to how plain it was before.
"How come you've been so busy these past few days?" I asked.

She looked down at her feet for a moment before turning her gaze back to my eyes. "I have another competition coming up. That's why I've been practicing more than usual, sorry."

"Don't be sorry, it's great that you're competing again," I said.

"Yeah, I was originally not gonna do this years competition after what happened the first time... but when I was able to do the talent show well I changed my mind. Actually, when I told my coach about it, preliminaries had already started. I got lucky because she had some connections with the judges and people running the contest, so she was able to send in a video recording of me playing and they let me go straight to finals."

I was surprised to hear that she got to skip prelims, but it just goes to show how good she really is. "When are the finals being held?"

"In three days." She got quiet and settled down next to me, a frown gracing her lips. "I'm actually really scared about competing. My coach was pretty well-renowned, and with me being sent straight to finals, I have a lot of expectations to live up to. My parents won't stop talking about it, and it's been on my mind nonstop. I just don't want to disappoint anybody like I did last time, and every other time I've been on stage."

My heart clenched for her and I pulled her side into mine in a comforting hug. "Hey, I get it. It's normal to be worried when people hold expectations for you. I know you feel like your stage fright is holding you back, but throughout these last few months, you've gotten so much stronger and braver. And honestly, even if you don't get first place, it doesn't mean you aren't amazing. If it makes you feel any better, win or lose, I'll still always care about you and know how talented and perfect you are."

She smiled and just that simple act was enough to give me heart problems. She snuggled closer to my side and hummed quietly. "I don't know how I ever got to have someone like you in my life, Changbin, but I'm so glad you are."

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I am very soft