Her Fall from Heaven

I Reveal My Deepest Darkest Secret...

Atty

"What did he say then?"

I'm lying sprawled across Kay's bed, a pillow covering my face. Her room looks the same as it had since third grade: hardwood floor and a fluffy pink rug spread out over it, posters blanketing the walls and glow in the dark stickers dotting the ceiling, a white dresser and a walk-in closet, a full-body mirror and two enormous windows, pink butterfly chairs and a queen size bed. The only difference was in the rows of makeup palettes and creams dotting the surface of the dresser.

Kay is sitting cross-legged beside me, a big comforter balled up in her arms. Her eyes are fixed on me as I relay the events of the evening's shift.

She was sympathetic with me when I told her about me cutting my hands open on the broken plate shards. Even now, properly washed and wrapped by Kay's mom, Mrs. Marr, they sting like crazy.

But when I mentioned my run in with Bennett and his buddies, meanwhile leaving out Christina's embarrassing performance to be polite (though she hardly deserved it), Kay had to calm herself. I never did know why Kaelyn seemed to hate him so much. But now, after tonight, I completely understand.

I reluctantly slide the pillow off my face and turned my head towards Kay's impatient eyes.

"He said he knew me from class; we have math together. But he..." I closed my eyes, letting out a huge sigh. It's stupid for me to have such an intense reaction to what Bennett said, I know that. I hardly even know the guy. But I had wasted seven years of my life, and countless nights, thinking about him. Hoping against hope that he thought of me, too.

"But he...?" Kay encouraged.

I let out a loud groan. "Bennett made it sound like I was a hot, slutty, hormonal teen who was ready to throw myself at him on command! I can't believe I ever thought about him like... like..."

"Like you were ready to throw yourself at him on command?" She supplied.

I groaned again. "Yes."

She looked thoughtful. "Why is that such a bad thing if it was the truth? I mean, I'm not defending Ben or anything. I know my cousin, and my cousin can be a total ass. But... why did it surprise you so much? You didn't actually think he was this perfect guy who was kind and thoughtful and sweet, did you? Cause let me tell you right now: those three words are probably the absolute farthest you could possibly get from describing Ben's personality."

"Yeahhh..."

Kay raised an eyebrow at me, waiting.

I pushed myself up to sitting and faced her.

"I honestly don't know what to think. I know I had no absolutely no reason to expect then world of him. And I know it's really childish to let this silly thing bother me so much. But, well... I had a crush on him—" I ignore Kay's loud gasp. "—and I guess I really did think that. I thought he was kind and thoughtful and sweet, but... well, tonight made me realize that I've just been wasting my time on him. And I don't want to anymore." I feel wonderful, having gotten all of that off my chest. I feel free without the burden of a crush, much less one which I'd been holding onto since I was ten.

Almost as if she's reading my thoughts, Kay holds up her hand in a 'stop' motion and says, "Wait, wait, wait... exactly how long did you have a crush on him?"

I look down at my hands.

"Well... that isn't so easy to say, you see." I squirm uncomfortably.

She scowls in suspicion, eyes narrowed at me like a bird of prey. "What exactly is hard about it?"