It All Started With a Diary

truth|part 2

I smiled as he leaned into my touch. "Just because we'll have to work a bit harder to understand one other doesn't mean that we can't have it. I feel something...something crazy for you, and I know you do too. And, I'll be damned if I let anything stop it any longer." By the end of my speech, I felt my chest heave in frustration, and determination.

I didn't want to allow this to keep us apart, not if it meant losing him forever to something that could be prevented. I didn't care how difficult it'd become if the end result was the same: us.

I sucked in a breath as his hand raised to grasp my face. I didn't know of his next actions, but once his finger swiped across my wet cheek, I realized that I was crying.

His gaze softened. "I don't want to hurt you, sweetheart," his words were barely audible, though they tickled my ears perfectly. "I can't hurt you, and drag you down with me."

I placed my hand over his. I couldn't prevent myself from leaning into his touch.

"You won't, Kade," I whispered to him. "We'll find a light to help us climb back up if we fall."

He looked me over, his lip trapped between his teeth. When we made contact, the uncertainty in his eye was naked.

He motioned to himself. "I know that I won't be perfect—"

I kissed him so hard, it knocked him off guard.

He blinked before recovering. "And, if you want out, I underst—"

I kissed him again.

"And, I know I'm not the best person, not in the slightest bit, but—"

This time, I didn't stop kissing him until his hands pulled at my waist, drawing me into him. I went without a second thought, swallowing back his insecurities.

We pulled back, but he held me at arms length. "I'm not going to put it all on you," he whispered to me. "I hadn't taken my pills or attended my therapy in years, but that was before we started...before this. I've been going ever since, I started taking my meds again and I've been reading a fuck-ton of books and researching and—"

"Kade," my smile bit off his conversation but he continued on.

"I haven't missed a day either, I swear," he said to me. "Aunt Caylee has the date records if you want to see proof—"

My lips lifted at his rambles. He was incredibly cute when he did so. I shook my head. "I believe you."

He nodded, his finger stroking the lining of my jaw. "I just...I want to try for you. I want to deserve you. I want to be good, so good that I can be fucking amazing to you."

I willed my legs to hold upright at that. My lips parted to respond, but nothing came out. Instead, I cupped either side of his face, pulling him closer.

"Kade," I whispered. "We have to be honest with each other from now on, alright?"

When he didn't say anything, I decided to raise my pinky. It was a corny way in sealing our promise, but it was a long shot.

Kade didn't roll his eyes, or use sarcasm to disguise his annoyance as I expected him to. His serious expression extended out to me, as did his pinky, before he wrapped his finger around mine.

It tightened. "Honesty," he agreed.

I smiled at him. "Honesty."

I nodded, pulling on my trembling lip. Despite our promise, I knew what else I needed to say. Words couldn't even begin to express the gravity my guilt, but that was all I had.