It All Started With a Diary

truth|part 2

"Do you really think that your brother would want this for you, Kade?" I questioned, gripping his hands in mine. "No. He would want you to live, to make him proud. He wouldn't want you to starve yourself of happiness."

For a moment, I began to think that my words reached him. Even a small crack would have been progress. But, just as his eyes glossed over, he blinked it away.

Like before, he threw my hand off of him. "You don't know anything." He stood from his spot, leaving me in mine.

"Sit back down," I said, gazing up at him. "Please."

It was a quick motion, but it was hard to miss. Nearly like a switch. He jerked around, the white of his eyes red.

"Can't you get it?" he snapped. "I'm a borderline, Kimberly. I can't calm down by a flick of your fingers. Not until the problem leaves me the fuck alone."

My eyes squinted at him. "A borderline?" I mimicked, my mind straying from the realization.

He didn't turn back around. His back seemed hard to the touch from where I stood. "You heard me."

I repeated the words in my head until it clicked. Borderline Personality Disorder. I knew of disorder, but I didn't know much about it. Now that he confirmed it, though I felt my muscles tighten. As did my embarrassment for ignoring the signs of another health condition.

"Kade..." I started, intaking a sharp breath. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Suddenly, his body began to shake and tremble. "Why would I? So that you could treat me differently?"

I shook my head so hard, it hurt. "No, Kade. So that I could understand you more." I stood, sweeping the dirt off my pants.

I had to dig my feet into the soil as Kade turned around. I gulped down bits of anticipation one by one as his eyes found mine.

His hair grazed his forehead, the strands conflating with his mocha eyes. "What's to understand? I get pissed, I overdramatize the simplest things, I care too much, I don't care enough, I break shit, then repeat. There, you get it now?" he hissed, his eyes full of shame.  "I just don't feel normal, and I hate it. I hate myself for not being able to give it to you. I-I feel angry, I feel—"

"Hurt," I finished.

His eyes jerked up to mine. "I'm not hurt," he argued with a scowl.

I took a step closer. "You're hurt, and you have a reason to be. But, using your anger to overshadow it—"

He took that same step back. "No," he shook his head.

His voice was thick. If I weren't in front of him, I would've thought his throat was clogged, disabling his speech. His words were tight, restrained by his cloistered emotions.

I stepped closer to him, my hands out. I wanted planning on posing a threat, but he was relentless on his pain.

"Kade, I understand your pain. I've never lost anyone, but I did lose a parent emotionally. It was...it was like she was never there. I understand that part," I licked my drying lips. "And, it sucks. It does, and it hurts. It hurts so fucking bad but, you have people who are still here. Your own family that you choose. You can surround yourself by people who make you happy."

"You have me," I offered. "And, Luke and Levi. We're all your family, and we care. A lot. I know that I do."

He studied me carefully. His expression softened, his shoulders dropping slowly. His gaze fell, the muscle in his jaw ticking. I could see that my words were doing something to him, even if he wanted to shield it. It was there though, and I was going to find it.