call out my name (billie eilish girl x girl)

lookalike part two

But now you're laying in another guy's arms, cause I'm all gone...

Hannah's POV:

I shift over in bed, and Justin groans in his sleep, irritated. During the day, I can usually keep my Billie thoughts to a minimum, but when I try to sleep in the nighttime, I keep reaching out to hold her hand, but she's not there. I wish I could say I replaced my feelings for her, but he's just a distraction, one that started off okay until it became more trouble than it's worth. But I can't get out of this.

When I saw Billie on the street, I thought at first it was my mind playing tricks on me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't stay in LA hoping to run into her. But she saw me with him, and now she's really never coming back. And if she did, I still couldn't go back to her.

I check the time, noticing it's past twelve, so I move his arm draped over my waist to the side and quietly get out of bed. I sneak away when the thoughts get too heavy and go for midnight walks, the only time I really have to myself. Tip-toeing out the bedroom door, I slip on my shoes next to the front door, and reach out my hand to turn the handle.

I pause, feeling a wave of fear push through from the other side of the door, but it's not my own. My fingers shake as I turn the lock and open it slowly.

"Hannah," Billie says breathlessly, locking eyes with me as I open it just a few inches wide. I almost fall backward; the way she says my name is everything I've ever wanted and all that I've been missing. I try to pull myself together, to repeat the thoughts I remind myself whenever I think of her: you can't have her.

"You can't be here..." I whisper, cautiously looking over my shoulder to check if he woke up from the noise. "My--, my boyfriend's asleep," I finish, my voice cracking over the word boyfriend, like the word itself feels wrong off my lips.

Billie raises a hand to push open the door more, and I let her do it. Her eyes travel up and down, stopping on my neck. Nervous, I slip my hand to the bruise to cover it up, but she already saw it. She takes a step closer to me and I know I should back away but my body leans into her. Billie reaches for my hand and I forget the bruise on my wrist, flinching as her fingers lock into mine.

She lifts up my hand to the porch light, a look of anger sweeps over her face as she sees the discoloration.

"I'll kill him."

I pull my hand out of hers and place it on the door, about to close it.

"No--wait! Just... Tell me he's what you want," Billie searches my eyes for confirmation, knowing if I look away, I'm lying. My eyes shift to the ground.

"Tell me that you love him, and I'll leave. But if you can't do that, then I can't leave you here like... this," she motions to my neck, desperation spilling out into her words. I'm desperate too, to get out of here, but I can't leave, and I can't tell her why. 

I don't know. I need to stick with what I do know, that what's done is done. 

I finally meet her eyes again, not sure if I can say it convincingly enough.

"I love him," I cry, putting all the emotions I feel for her into those words, thinking of how much I love her, not him. But she doesn't have to know, she can't.

Billie nods slightly, and drops her chin to the ground, brushing off teardrops rolling down her cheeks with the back of her hand. She nods again a few times, then looks back up at me, crystal clear blue eyes stinging in their corners with tears.

"Do you love me more?"

I can't answer or I'll tell the truth, but she looks to me with hope, shoving it into my hands and telling me to either keep it or crush it.

"Hannah! Who the fuck is at the door?" Justin's voice echoes from behind me, and I start to panic. I can't breathe, not when I'm in between the two of them like this. I won't let him see her, if he does I can't guarantee he won't hurt her, and I'd rather it be me.

"It's nobody special," I call back, giving her one last look before stepping back in and shutting the door. I lean against it, trying with everything in me to not open it again and jump into her arms.

He walks out from the bedroom, a suspicious glare on his face. I press my back into the door, thinking as loud as possible 'go.' I need her to listen.

"Who was it?" he repeats, like it's a test.

"I said it was nobody," I repeat this time, but my confidence wears thin and I flinch when he tries to move past me to open the door. I stay pressed to it, until he finally shoves me to the ground and flings open the door. I lift my head up, but she's gone.

Billie left.

He shuts the door slowly and I stand up, face to face.

"Why are you lying to me?" he snaps and I back away, just shaking my head and shrugging my shoulders like I have no idea.

"Was it her? Were you talking to Billie?"

I made the mistake of telling him about us, when I was sad and needed someone to talk to. And now that mistake keeps me here, and away from Billie.

***

Billie's POV:

Hannah shuts the door and I lean against it with my forehead pressed to it. 

Nobody special.

I said this was the last time I chase after Hannah, and I meant it. If she wants me, she needs to come to me, not the other way around. 

Can't re-do what's already done, can't compete cause I already won...