call out my name (billie eilish girl x girl)

void

chapter song inspo: void, the nbhd

"I wonder how I got by this week, I only touched you once. Lately, I can't find the beat, I used to feel the rush."

Billie's POV:

My alarm buzzes again and I hit snooze for the fourth time. I always force myself to get up by the second time at the latest, but I don't feel the same way I used to. I just don't give a shit about anything. I close my eyes for not even a second and it buzzes again.

"What the FUCK do you want from me!" I scream, tossing my phone across to the other side of the room, and bury my face under three pillows. I hear the door click open just as I do it, but I flip over in bed and ignore them.

"Billie..." I hear my brother start, and I know what he's gonna say because he's said it the past four days in a row. That I need to get up, play my shows, act like a human being. What's the point? I don't care, and eventually no one's gonna care about me if I just stay here forever. They'll forget about me like I can't forget about Hannah.

I don't even know her but if she were here it wouldn't feel like this. Because I felt a bearable amount of shitty when it was just me, but after whatever happened between us, everything's twisted.

Finneas starts to tug at the blankets and I get real mad, yanking them back with all my strength only to pull them up tighter around my shoulders. He sighs obnoxiously loud but I don't care, until he meets his soulmate only to lose them minutes later, he doesn't get to pretend to understand.

"Stop being lazy. Cut the shit, we can't put off tour for you to just lay here," he snaps, and I've had enough. I throw the covers off me and jump out of bed, glaring at him as I step up right in his face. Then I back away a few steps and mosh like I'm on stage except without the thrill.

"Is this what you want me to do? Dance and sing like a puppet every night until I drop dead? Would that make you happy?" I laugh, finally stopping and shrinking back against the wall until I hit the floor.

"What would make you happy?" he asks, concern dripping in his voice.

"Nothing."

"What can I do to help?" Finneas begs, probably fed up with the helpless feeling. He's only felt it for a few minutes but I've been feeling it since the show we met. He crouches down and sits next to me, and I pull the strings of my hoodie so all that shows is my nose peeking out. There's only one thing I want and that's the problem. I don't want to rely on one person always being there to feel okay, and that's why I hoped I'd never meet my soulmate, especially not this early. But that doesn't stop me from saying it.

"Find Hannah."

~

Hannah's POV:

I swear post-concert depression isn't supposed to last more than a week, but it is. Everything I do, I flash back to that night and it feels like nothing in my life will ever top that feeling again. I just really miss her; I miss Billie.

I need to get her off my mind, but it probably doesn't help when I'm always listening to music and my playlist is made up of entirely her songs. She's definitely forgotten about me by now which only makes me feel more pathetic.

Sighing, I lace up my running shoes and switch my music to Khalid instead and make my way outside. After the first song finishes and I remember why I don't run in the first place, of course 'lovely' comes on.

"Shit, shit, shit..." I curse, pulling out my phone. My finger hovers over the skip button but I'm already too far lost in her voice to have the heart to change it. I don't know how to go on like this when the feeling seems to be growing worse each day rather than getting better.

I sit on the edge of the sidewalk, scrolling through Instagram, where I posted videos and pictures of the concert, and try to relive it again. I tagged her in the posts, but she didn't notice, which crushes that little bit of hope I had. I even posted a picture from my room and added the location with some weird hope that she'd come crashing through my door in the middle of the night to tell me I'm all she's been thinking about. How do you get over somebody you never even had? Or somebody that you're supposed to have, whatever that means, but you lost?

~

Billie's POV:

"I don't know how to find her, Bil, I'm sorry..." Finneas responds. My last bit of hope dies with his words and I just shrug it off like I didn't care that much anyways.

"You didn't get her number?" he pries, like I hadn't thought of that before. I shake my head, feeling the regret sink back in again that I hadn't said anything more than what I did to her.

"Damn I guess you didn't get her insta or anything either, maybe you can--"

"Wait what did you just say," I cut him off, getting an idea as I scramble to pick up my phone that I threw.

"I asked if you got her insta--oh..." he trails off, seeing what I'm thinking too.

It's a long shot because her name is pretty common but I search up Hannah in my followers and nervously click on each one to find her. I don't care if it takes all day to be fucking real.

~

Hannah's POV:

After I get back home and shower, I cave back into my Billie playlist and try to find the least depressing song as I fall back in bed. I choose 'copycat' and smile at the bitter lyrics, whispering 'psych' to myself and closing my eyes to soak it all in. An instagram notification interrupts the music and, annoyed, I go to flick it away, when I almost lose my shit.

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