It All Started With a Diary

truth|part 1

I would be lying to myself if I admitted that the fear completely slipped away. It was a natural reaction. But, so was comprehension. And, so far, the understanding side of me was overpowering the doubtful side.

"It didn't work, obviously.. I was so close to slicing the bastard's neck open, but it was Kacen that fucked it up for me." Like a flicker of light, a small smile barely grazed Kades' lips before it fell, again. "Susie wasn't home, and she left Kacen with my dad and I. His crying woke my dad up right before I could finish what I hadn't even started."

He ran a hand down his face with a chuckle: "God, I've never seen the devil, but at that moment, I knew that I was in hell. This time, he didn't stop his hits until our neighbors called the cops because Kacen wouldn't stop crying."

Kade shut his eyes for a quick second, before the beautiful jewels presented themselves to me again. "He was only a couple of months old, but I was so fucking angry at him. I yelled at him, and yelled, and yelled. As sick as it sounds, I wanted to feel what my dad did. Power. Manipulation. Control. That clutch of authority."

"But...he laughed at me," he admitted in a soft voice. "I couldn't believe it. When I look back, I know that since he was a baby, every little thing was funny to the little fucker. But...when he laughed. I felt something. It was like a door was finally being opened inside of me at the sound of it," he smiled, and this time, it didn't fall. "I remember when I first held him. I'd never done it before, but I watched my mom do it, so I figured it out. And, when I did, he smiled at me as if we were the best of friends."

"It didn't make me feel power. Or, authority. I felt..." Kade had to swallow the thick lump in his throat, before he spoke again. "Love."

He shook his head, tightening his fingers together: "I thought it was gone. I thought every single ounce of happiness inside of me was gone. I never even realized it was there in the first place. But, when he put his hands on mine, I felt everything lighten around me. He was so pure, so full of innocence and happiness. I didn't want my dad to ruin that before it was even known to the world. He was the only good thing I'd ever known."

I watched as Kade's entire being lit up at the mention of his brother. If I weren't paying as closely as I was to him, it would be hard to notice his walls crumbling by each word.

He released a sigh. "I did everything to protect him from our dad. I wanted to be near him at all times, and he'd be with me. I'd stand-up for him when our dad tried to hurt him. I took the beatings for him from our dad. I tried to do everything to make sure that he didn't have the same fate as I did," his jaw clenched.

"My dad owned nearly every store in town, including a lot of his own successful businesses, but he refused to give me babysitting money for Kacen. I needed the money so that Kacen would be away from our dad when I wasn't there. I had a little job as a paperboy, but I couldn't earn enough from it," he continued. "Kacen was around six at the time, and Susie and dad had been fighting. I didn't want him to see, so I took him to the park. This guy started messing with him, and I told him to knock it off. We argued for a while, then it grew physical. He pushed me, and that's where shit went left."

"I was young, but I learned to pack a punch from my dad. The guy was pretty older, and big, too. I knew I couldn't waste the shot, so, I hit him. Hard. Knocked his ass out cold. And, Kacen and I left. I didn't tell anyone about it because it wasn't a big deal. To me, it was just another passing memory."

"A couple of days later, though, I was walking home in the rain from school. This man pulled up, claimed to not want me to get a cold, and offered a ride home. I knew of the saying 'stranger danger' but I had a pocketknife on me at all times, and it was raining. So, me, being the idiot I was at that age, took him up on the offer. He was strange as shit, and way too talkative. I barely even spoke, but that didn't stop him. It wasn't until he mentioned the park incident that I tried to jump from the car."