I didn't say my final salutation and goodbye
Like a polite passerby
I didn't push through with avoiding your eye
I lasted this long holding unto a selfish lie
I wanted to be your friend
A message that took me years to send
What a beautiful feeling it was for you to agree
Despite not a lot of people there to see
With your blank stare
No one has to know was the only dare
The truth lies in our everyday conversations
That leads to my constant hesitations
For a person shrouded with privacy
You do converse with such intense variety
I'm sorry that I kept it going
I knew this was a mistake I couldn't see myself undoing
I'd go home thinking of work to do for school
Realized I did everything already just so I can grab your pull
I'd gladly take a hold of your palm and talk casually
Then I'd wonder why you're still there all chatty
It's weird how you'd talk about your day
And wait for what I have to say
Usually tired from school so you'd fall asleep
Within minutes I'd know anyway because it's not that deep
It's ironic how much you'd talk about hatred for the system of education
To someone who equates school with immense dedication
Polar opposites that's what we are
Despite that we'd come this far
Rainy days are supposed to be gloomy and cold
But it's not when you have a companion ready to be told
Listening to your current situation and mood
After the conversation, there it is, needs reheating, the cold food
After an exhausting day out there
You'd somehow check in and know I need as much of your time to be spare
I'd do the same and the drive back home wouldn't seem so lonely
When we're there to be each other's company
Skipped meals, guilty chewing, heavy physical labor, a thin wrist
Add all these to the sins that are scribbled angrily on the list
It's scary how you'd admit to it so easily
And we'd both lift each other up despite doing it in a state so tiredly
You're spontaneous and loud all in words and thought
So when people say you're too quiet, they can't really be fought
Because you only have those moments so rare
It's always beautiful to know you sometimes care
There were days I'd be so hyper and talk about things that I find exciting and worthy
Whether it be a newly released movie or the occasional video of an open heart surgery
You'd be there reading through the flood of words and understanding with a few questions
And when you're interested enough there'll be effort-filled typed out explanations
There would also be days where you'd just immediately dive into explanations with no warnings that it began
Whether it be about musical notes, weight lifts, or the occasional protein heavy diet plan
I'd be there reading through the flood of words and understanding it with Google's power
And when I'm interested enough we'd talk about it in minutes that lead to an hour
You said no one has to really know the real person behind that hard look
You're like a library-owned academic textbook
Not always desirable but is to those who have interest enough
Right now I can identify the feel of the soft and smooth among the hard and rough
It's silly how we share not much of a common interest
Except for the lullaby of classical music in its form of raw simplest
You're the hidden symphony I have the privilege of hearing
And, boy, do I have to stop myself from proudly sharing
Crushed dreams lead to a taste of bitterness
On a tongue that can spit out such harshness
From a broken heart to a broken knee
Made known to me the reasons why you weren't exactly happy
You have a mind that can work into me some wonder
Why hide those thoughts left for me to ponder?
Talk about her in your vulnerable state
I'll still wait patiently for you to heal and unload by the gate
Day to day, I'd know so much about you
I start to wonder are all of these even true?
Once a star I just wished to see the closest
You drifted towards me in a way unexpectedly unnoticed
Ideal types, traits and looks are ideal for a reason
You coming into my life isn't supposed to be a committed treason
Never be too confident that you'll only fall for those with so much perfection
Because somehow you'll still choose those with so much imperfection
You can call me out for my blindness
Or maybe my naive kind of kindness
But the flaws make you more effortlessly human
Why shun you out when everyone else can?
No need to think that deep
Because it's something I want to keep
So I'll hold on like it doesn't matter
Because to you it's probably just mindless chatter
We're probably both lonely and blue
Tired and angry with the world that we cannot legally sue
I'd be there, you'd be there and it's just that
I'm sorry I got addicted to this temporary format
I never meant to go further into the deep end
I never meant to lose a friend
Words laced with anger and emphasis are played on repeat
I accept them all and keep them in mind where I admit a defeat
A good person can make mistakes, right?
Why do you have to resort immediately to a fight?
In this battle there will always be one consistent winner
You don't even have to exert effort to lift a single finger
I didn't mean to lash out frustrations
In words that aren't meant for your eyes in conversations
I keep on running away to defend my honor
When all I can think about is how this ruins my pure color
You inflict a range of emotions in no order
Amusement, fear, contentment and in times of loneliness it gets sadder
Loving yourself meant more when I started to also love me
We both grow in an unsteady pace and that's all I needed to see
I wish we could have stayed like this
We were nothing
But at least I had a beautiful something
Without you having to know everything
Push me away
Like that wouldn't make me stay
What a pathetic mistake
I'm still hanging on for goodness sake
I don't regret a lie as beautiful as this
Even if it was only I who acquired such a foolish kind of bliss
Selfishness is sometimes required for happiness
I'll repent for all of it the next time it happens with full tenderness
I wouldn't promise to let go
Because promises are sacred and for me to make one would be such a low blow
But I do promise to let time heal
One of the first tragedies I was left with to deal
