Finding Love | ✔️

eight

/where there is love,

there is no darkness/

- Burundian Proverb

♡

I wake to the smell of fresh paint. I see Claudia in long clothes, leaning into the graffiti wall, concentrating on something. There’s also someone else working on the wall, one of the other faces I saw last night.

I walk up to her and watch her paint. She’s applying small finger strokes to  a painting of a dog at large. It’s a massive bulldog, his spikes exaggerated as being massive knives.

“You painted that?” I ask in awe.

“Mmm.”Her eyes are squinting in deliberation, so I walk away; not wanting to be a bother.

I walk over to where the other guy is working. He’s got two cans of spray paint, each in one hand: one green, one pink. He’s spreads his hands on the wall, spewing them simultaneously, forming a face. It’s brilliant.

“Wow,” I say, both at him and also to myself. He looks at me, then looks away. His big brown afro bounces with his every movement on the giant canvas that is the wall. I watch him for a bit longer, but get a bit bored, so I think to myself that going to town isn’t such a bad idea.

“I’m going up,” I say to no one in particular.

“Wait!” Claudia screams and rushes to me. Afro boy also seems to have frozen.

“You can’t go up there, Lilac.” She says, much softer this time. “It’s a dangerous place.”

“I’ve been to many dangerous places,” I pump my chest out.

“New Town’s no place for wanderers like you, babe. It’s lucky we found you.”

“Where can I eat and stuff?” my tummy suddenly rumbles.

“Uh…” she looks back at afro boy. He tilts his head, and she nods. I don’t know what that means, but they seemed to have understood each other. “We’ll find you something.”

“Thank you. Oh, have you seen Leopald?”

“He’s probably somewhere about.”

“Where? Can I find him?”

“Excuse me,” Afro boy calls at me. “Claudia and I, we was trying to work here, and so I suggest you keep your mouth shut; stop asking questions, and find something to do.”

“T!” Claudia scolds him, but I hear the laugh in her voice. “Tell me Lilac, do you paint?”

“Not really.”

“Why the hell did Jason bring her here? Stupid boy,” T (I assume his name to be) says.

“Now, now…I’m sure he has his reasons.”

But even so, she doesn’t sound convinced, and my chest hurts again with the all-too familiar feeling of being unwanted. I snake back into the corner where I’d slept, and I’m curling myself up into the fetal position. I grasp onto my legs, rocking gently, until my eyes are strong enough to close and hold back the tears that had began to form.

***

“What are we going to do with her?” I hear a voice say. I lay low, stopping myself from opening my eyes.

“Jason, why the hell is she here?” It sounds like T.

“I know what I’m doing, guys. I’m the leader, remember? My underground, my rules. “

“I know, but…what if she exposes o –”

“She’s awake,” a voice coming from over me suddenly says, and I open my eyes in surrender. It’s Leopold who’s betrayed me, but I rub my eyes in pretence.

Everyone of the guys from last night, plus Claudia, are all standing in a circle. Their arms are folded in seriousness. They stand with their legs apart, their heads slightly tilted upwards, their chin stuck out. They scare me, these people.

I stand up, now finding myself on the same ground as Leopold. He still stands next to me, watching.

“You slept the whole day.” He says.

“I didn’t know what to do.”

“Well,” he whispers. “It’s nighttime now, so you better know what to do.”

He walks away, towards the rest. This is the first time I see his frame properly: he’s tall and thin, just like I’d noticed. His arms are broad, such that they hang off his shoulders, untouching of his hip. His hair is blonde and long, of which he scrunches up into a loose bob. He’s the least scary out of all the people here; everyone else is buff or big and tall, but Leopold isn’t. He’s got a baby face, his eyes all big and soft and his lips worked into a permanent grin. His face is fresh with blood flowing through his skin.

Suddenly, they begin to disperse. One goes this way, the other goes another way. I’m confused as to what’s happening, but I’m afraid to ask.  Soon, it’s only Claudia, Jason and Leopold left.

“We’re going hunting.” Claudia is walking towards me. “I expect you to stay here…we’ll bring you some deer or human blood if you want?”

Wait, what? My face contorts into an expression of utmost horror as colour drains from my face. This is then met by a bustle of chorused laughter, led by the heartiest laugh of them all –

“Did you really believe her?!” Leopold clutches onto his side, apparently hurting from laughing too much.

“Oh wow, Lilac…” Jason flashes a smile at me, shaking his head. “You really are something.” He struts away, and I watch him until he disappears up the trap door that we’d come in through.

“Wait up, Jase!” Claudia calls, running in the same direction.

“Jase?” I ask Leopald when she’s gone.

“Love does stupid things to people, Lilac.” He’s still got on this silly smirk on his face, which I try to ignore.

“Love?”

“I liked you better when you had no questions to ask.” He remarks.

“Oh.”

“Yes, yes,” he gives in. “They’re ‘in love’, or some stupid childish shit like that, and they have this stupid idea that they’ll be badasses together and live happily baddass after.”

“So where are they going? Where’s everyone gone?”

“I seriously misjudged your character last night, huh? You do ask questions – and tons of them. I don’t know; I don’t know where they’re going…why should I know? It’s none of my business.”

“So where are you going?”

“Me?”

He seems taken aback. “No, I’m talking to the wall.” I say sarcastically.

“Walls don’t talk, Lilac.”

“You’ve never come across the term, ‘sarcasm’?” I ask.

“I live a very limited world down here,” he says, more sadly than I’d like to imagine. “What does that mean?”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” I feel bad. “It’s kind of like when you say something, but you mean the exact opposite.”

“You’re real daft.”

“Why?”

“I was being sarcastic right there, Lilac…”

“Right where?”

“When I said that –” he shrugs. “Never mind. I’m going.” He stalks out.

“Wait!” I call. “Show me around. I want to know where I am. Take me with you, to wherever you’re going!”

“This is not a place I can just teach you. Explore it for yourself…”

“Oh.”

“Why you got to say that? And why with that look on your face?” his face wrinkles into one of genuine concern. “You remind me of…” he starts. His face turns cloudy. Shakes his head. The cloud fades away.

“Let me show you something,” he says, gesturing for me to join him.

♡