Finding Love | ✔️

twenty

/There is no fear in love.

- 1 John 4:18-19/

♡

"Mum's apple pie is to die for," Gage says between mouthfuls of lasagne. Doreen, Gage and I are sitting round their oh-so-small dining table, sharing a hearty meal. Her cooking is glorious, and I close my eyes as if I'm trying to savour the taste of the cheese on my tongue for as long as possible.

"Lucky for you, I made it for tonight. Just for you, April." She sends me a kind smile.

It's been a couple of days, and I'm now strong enough to come out of bed and walk around the house (more like limping). Doreen says I'll be able to get the bandages off my feet in a few more days, and then I'll be able to walk outside. I've been asking about it, because from what I see out the window, it's beautiful. The branches have shriveled up into little twigs, empty from the lack of leaves, and little clear droplets of water linger on their edges, daring to fall off. When I open the window, the smell of the ground; fresh from rain, infiltrates the room. It's a very calming, very blue place. The cold is somehow refreshing, and Gage posits that it will begin to snow in a few weeks.

I scratch my right foot against my shin, finding the cast uncomfortable apparel. Apparently, I'd sprained my leg really badly, in addition to deep cuts all over my legs while I was running. However, Doreen and Gage have been so nice to me, giving me soup in bed as well as interesting books to read. They haven't forced me to talk, allowing me to stay within myself. Sometimes when I'm (pretending to be) asleep, Gage comes and mumbles small nothings to me about anything. He tells me how he's twenty, and how he's forever indebted to his Mum, and how he's going to visit his little cousin, seven year old Phillip.

"Here you are," I snap out of my thoughts when I realize that she's cut me a slice of her famous apple pie. I take a bite, and it's fabulous.

"This...this is really, really good. Thank you." I say. For some reason, they both stare at me in awe.

"That's the most you've ever spoken, April." Gage says, his jaw dropping in shock. I smile a tight closed-mouth smile to imply that there's nothing more I have to say. Maybe I'm afraid of talking because it'll all come gushing out. My past, my secrets, and then the tears. I don't want that.

"I don't know if this will help, April, but if you ever need, you can talk to me. I'm a counselor by profession, but that's not my point...I just want you to be comfortable."

"She works at the local high school with all sorts of kids." Gage says kindly. They pause, looking at me for any signs of communication, but I remain poker-faced.

"She'll talk when she's ready," Doreen says in a way that she's directing that more to me than to her son. "How about you help Gage clear the dishes?" Gage's face contorts in protest, but then he obliges and takes the dishes in front of him. I do the same, limping slightly. Upon entering the kitchen, Gage tells me to sit down.

"You're obviously in pain. I'll do the rest."

"Your Mum said to help you. I can handle it."

"No. You'll just keep me company while I was them, alright?" He flashes me a smile. I look at his teeth, which are so straight and white - they'd be perfect for a toothpaste advert. He leaves and arrives with more dishes, storing them in the sink. When he's done, he runs the water and begins to scrub them with a little sponge.

"Well, I know you're a bit of a quiet one, so I'll just talk and talk until you feel like you've something to say. Then I'll listen." He pauses, looking at me for approval. "So I finished high school a couple of years ago. You know, that place where my Mum works? I didn't like it much, because I'm more of a quiet person. I hate having more than, say maybe ten people around me. I feel claustrophobic, if that makes sense? And so I wasn't on board with the whole classroom then cafeteria then classroom thing. That's why I chose not to go to college. Well, to be fair, that's not the whole reason why I didn't go," he pauses to look out of the window in front of him. "I also didn't want to leave Mum alone. She's always been there for me, so this was the least I could do for her. I work at the kindergarten near here. It's adjacent to the primary school, so I get to see Phillip a lot. I love him to bits. Hopefully you can get to meet him soon."

"Phillip sounds lovely."

"Yes, and he's very smart. He's my only cousin. More like my little brother, because I've no siblings."

"Where's your father?"

"He died with his younger brother, Phillip's dad, in a car accident. I was thirteen then, and Phil had just been born."

"I'm sorry. I know the feeling."

"You do?" This time he looks at me, cocking his head to the side like a curious chicken.

"I've lost everybody."

He nods and turns back to his dishes, scrubbing the remnants of Doreen's apple pie off a side plate. I watch him, interested. I like how he looks. While he squints in concentration, a little speck of hair drifts astray and falls into his eyes. It is cute seeing him trying to blow it away. He makes me smile.

***

A week later, Gage and I are hobbling through the woods.

"It's getting colder every day," I say, clutching my arms to try and keep warm. Gage nods, smiling. He'd told me that he had to take me fishing before the water becomes ice.

The sound of snapping twigs follow us as we walk, dodging branches and walking over stones. My legs are much better now, and all that remains are small cuts which Doreen had removed the plasters.

"I can't believe you've never been fishing," he tells me, and I shrug.

"Never really had the chance. My fingers are freezing."

"Alright," he says, stopping. "Give them to me." Suddenly, after he cups his hands over mine, I remember Leopold. He'd asked the same thing when we -

And then the tears appear.

"Are you alright?" he asks, concerned. I shake my head and he swiftly leans forward to embrace my whole body in his. I bury my head in his warm chest, sobbing so much it hurts. It's okay, he repeats, like his mother. Those words have become a form of comfort for me, because Gage and Doreen have a way of saying it that makes me feel so protected, so safe.

I wipe the last of my tears and we resume our trip. This time, he's holding my hand as we walk, and the cold becomes nice, secure warmth.

♡