dragon age: oneshots

Pensive (C. Rutherford)

You mean a oneshot that isn't Alistair for once? A miracle!

The wind howled outside of the Commander's office, rattling his door. A shaky breath escaped the man's lips as he tried to focus elsewhere, his fingers gliding through his now tangled curls. The frigid temperatures pierced his cheeks, cheeks becoming rosy. Only a solemn candle dimly flickered on his desk as it illuminated the unorganized pile of paperwork. A weight sat upon his chest, holding him back from anything other than what had been consuming his mind. The Commander's eyes shifted to the window, admiring the flickering moonlight that elegantly slipped through the crack of the narrow slit window. He closed his eyes for a lingering moment and exhaled to himself, only to feel the tenseness brought about by his inner torments spread through his body. Cullen rubbed his hands across his face tiredly, trying to piece together all that had occurred.

It was no secret that the Commander rarely slept properly, but this was surrounding unusual circumstances. A blossoming relationship had plagued his mind – something so sweet turning so strangely bitter. The dogmatic Commander found himself convinced love would be inconceivable following everything he's faced, considering those who he's loved and lost. How he used to daydream of that mage in the Circle Tower, waiting for the right moment to confess his quieted affections. He could only recall too descriptively the heartbreak he felt seeing her by another person's side, but he was happy for her. Yet, he thought it impossible. Held back by fear of repetitive circumstances, a romantic endeavor was the least of his concerns. That was what he firmly believed until he'd met the Inquisitor.

Never before had he met someone so passionately determined despite being thrown in the face of new challenges daily. Never before had he met someone so selfless, someone who would help others without complaining or asking for something immediately in return. Someone who would keep fighting, despite everything. It was odd – yet he admired her shamelessly for it. Commander Cullen never imagined his admirations continuing further than this. The Inquisitor frequently visited him during training to strike up small conversations with the Commander, and he appreciated it. Amongst all of this stress, chaos, and war, one would never imagine small talk would feel so nice. The Inquisitor always returned, however, and they found each other spending gradually more and more time with one another so long as time permitted. Once the incidents at Haven occurred, Cullen was nothing short of devasted. The strong Commander felt as if he were a tower with cracks at the foundation, threatening to collapse with the slightest budge. Yet, she came back. Just when he thought he'd lost her, she came back.

It took relatively no time whatsoever for their friendship at Skyhold to bloom into something more intimate. Cullen was not unmatched in his feelings – the Inquisitor readily agreed that she had always felt the same. Ever since that tender moment, the two were inseparable. Cullen's worries faded when he thought of her, remembering what he had to fight for. When it felt like all was lost, it was not. She would always be there. He believed in her always.

His doubts were not exterminated entirely, however. A recent peacekeeping mission quickly went south when the Inquisitor's allies were overrun by the enemy, driving both the allies and the Inquisitor's party back. Ever since their defeat, no word was sent from the area. Cullen's mind resorted to the worst, yet he constantly debated that she was alive. In truth, he wasn't sure what to believe. The thought of her dying so soon terrified him. Not that he was afraid of losing Thedas' Inquisitor, but because he feared losing the greatest woman he'd ever known. It had been nearly a week at this point, with no established communication. Skyhold's hope diminished little by little each day. Cullen stood his ground, but having those around him lose faith shook his foundation. He did not give into that temptation. No, he would continue to believe that she lived.

His worries amplified with his relative lack of sleep. A circular pattern was established because of this, not being able to sleep and tired worrying. Cullen fixated his mind to reality for a moment, grasping the edge of his desk before rising to his feet. He leaned down, extinguishing the petite flame of the candle. A wisp of smoke now replaced it. Cullen sighed, straining himself out before contemplating the idea of rest. Eyes now cast to the ladder that led up into his bed space, Cullen quickly shook off the thought. He reconsidered, deciding to take to take a brief walk outside to clear his mind.

The Commander was greeted with the brisk night atmosphere as he exited through the center door, immersing himself into the night. He steadily ambled forwards, his books clicking against the stone. Cullen ceased his gait momentarily, leaning forwards on the edge of the walkway. He folded his arms on top of the wall, his eyes tiredly surveying Skyhold. Such beauty it held at night, he thought. Cullen wished he could admire it more. Perhaps after all of this was finished, he would have time to simply stand where he is now beside the Inquisitor and admire all of Skyhold. His eyes fell for a moment, only to suddenly take notice of a rushing figure.

His heart quickly picked up speed, suspicions arising without hesitation. He furrowed his brows in immediate confusion, grasping the sides of the walls aggressively as he leaned over to see where this figure was headed. Cullen picked up yelling, yet he could not distinguish what it was from. The figure bolted towards the gates, though Cullen soon began to notice as similar individuals followed, forming crowds. His suspicions immediately dropped, but his heart sped faster than ever. A horn blared across Skyhold, echoing across the vast courtyards.

It took the Commander less than a few minutes to make his way down, a rush to his step. He lightly jogged, extending his arm to push through the crowd. Cullen guided individuals left and right, only until he exited towards the front. That was when he saw the four figures standing at the front with none other than the Inquisitor standing among them.

He could not restrict himself much longer, to hold back these emotions he'd felt for so long. "Inquisitor!"