WILD FLOWERS ✿ d.malfoy

33.

"She's fine then?"

"Yeah," Carina rubs my hand, "she'll be out tonight."

"How come our beds aren't together?" I chuckle dryly.

They shake their heads.

"How are you?" Caelum asks, leaning against the curtain frame.

"Madam says I'll be out tomorrow," I fall back against the pillows, my head spinning.

"Take care alright," Carina hugs me. I feel the warmth that spread through me instantly be killed by the darkness.

Caelum hugs me, making sure to not touch my back.

"These are beautiful," Carina breathes, looking at all the flowers but talking specifically about the Juliet roses.

"Yeah," I say slowly, my gaze shifting to look at the ceiling instead. "beautiful."

The bell rings, signalling the end of the free lesson. Both groan simultaneously.

"We gotta go," Carina hugs me again. "be safe."

"I'll try not to jump off the bed, thanks," I laugh dryly.

Carina gives me I-am-not-joking look; I instantly recoil. Caelum pats my hand, gives me warm smile and with one last look, both of them are gone.

I sigh deeply. I feel my stomach being clawed. Shivering, I pull the blankets over my head knowing full well that this has nothing to do with the cold. Guilt starts bubbling up, burning me like acid. The Hydrochloric acid in my stomach becomes a thousand times more concentrated. It is eating me alive.

Why was I suddenly feeling it? Why hadn't I felt it all those months trapped in the House of Black?

I knew the answer; it was facile. I hadn't, given the months in the forest and all the blood on my hands, grasped the fact that all this was happening, and happening for real. I couldn't accept that it wasn't a nightmare. That I couldn't wake up. And that's when I felt it. For real.

Guilt smells metallic. Must smell so: the blood on my hands. There was no washing it off. The smell stung my nose and outsmarted and manipulated my senses, making them act against me. Guilt sat there, prim and proper, not on the chair but in my brain. What I had done I could not un-do. I didn't want to. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling off that I shouldn't have. That they must have had families. People they loved.

But I had people I loved too. And they are dead. Killed by the people I killed.

"What about him though?" Rosie's voice echoes through the cell. I know I'm trapped. My wrists are not shackled, but my heart is barricaded. "He didn't try to kill you. He told you he didn't want to kill you."

"He was lying."

"Keep telling yourself that," she says harshly, "but you know deep down. You know full well deep down, that he wasn't."

I gulp and whimper.

"He -"

"Stop," I say forcefully. "Just get out. Leave me alone."

"You can't get rid of me unless you accept the fact that I am there."

"You're not."

"Yes, I am."

My stomach churns asremorse swallows me whole.

--a/n--

Just a small chapter. It has been a hecking long week and its only Wednesday. Ugh.
We should sign a petition saying only three days of school. Or maybe four.
Anyways, how are all you folk? I'm meh, honestly, I've got too many tests coming up and i'm not prepared for it.
Wish me luck.
pramiti xx