Retribution: The Cure for Agony

Chapter 16: Denial

My heart pounded against my ribcage as leaves and thin branches of overgrown cedar trees scraped along the top of the car. The wheel squeaked underneath my trembling death grip and my eyes scanned the foggy shoulders of the road, hoping I wouldn't hit an animal.

A few minutes later, the trees gave some breathing room and the asphalt dropped into a gravel road. Rocks clattered against the undercarriage and I glanced at the rearview mirror, noticing the red wall of dust behind me. The road veered to the right, up a hill, then leveled out. It was straight shot with no other turns and eventually, I could see the shape of the warehouse.

I pulled up to it and went around the back to park on the edge of The Boneyard. There was about three acres of open field with the occasional juniper shrub. The lot of ponderosa trees were nothing but rotting stumps now, prepared to be removed for a new foundation.

The field was marked with red flags, outlining where the most recent bodies were buried. Our superiors liked to work themselves out, starting near the warehouse, and arching out into the field. Digging on the outside of the flags meant I wouldn't have to worry about exhuming a decomposing body. God could only imagine the smell.

When I opened the trunk, the weak light casted a shadow on Melody's face. She shuddered and her eyes were wide, accentuated by the dark circles underneath them. I felt a tug in my chest and frowned, wondering what incoherent thoughts must have been going on between her ears.

"Well... hello, beautiful," I said as I lifted her out of the small trunk. She writhed in my arms and screamed into the gag. Making my way around the front of the car, I nearly dropped her a couple of times, but managed to safely lay her on the grass.

I rolled my head and shoulders to crack my neck as I walked over to the back of the warehouse, kicking up springtails, to get a round digger. The bucket of an excavator stuck out on the other side of the building. I groaned, wishing I had the keys.

I gripped the wooden handle and marched back to the car. My eyebrows shot up when the tip of the shovel slid through the dirt with ease. I jumped onto the step to shove the entire head into the ground and lifted up. The dirt underneath was still damp from the storm they had, making it soft enough to dig through the Arizona crust.

Melody was shaking her head, trying to get her hair out of her face, and I dropped the shove. I bent down to unfasten the gag and pushed her hair back for her. There was nobody for miles, so she could scream her heart out if she was inclined.

"Please don't," she begged.

I groaned as the sun began to come up and peeled my hoodie off. I tied it around my waist and continued to dig. "I took the gag off so you could be comfortable for the next couple of hours—not to listen to you beg for your life."

"Please, they are dead. They... they deserved it. I understand that, just please don't bury me alive."

I laughed, throwing some dirt to the side. "I'm not that cruel. I plan on killing you first."

"Why keep me alive now?" she wailed and rolled onto her side.

"I like the company, plus I'm not in any rush. Enjoy the time you have left, Melody."

She didn't say anything else after that and every once in a while, I would glance at her to see how she was doing. Melody just stared at the ground with her mind completely elsewhere. Personally, I knew I'd be thinking about every moment of my life, wondering how I got here, but she didn't seem upset at all.

A few hours later, I was done digging and grabbed the edge to push myself up until I was able to swing my leg over. My stiff shoulders ached and the sun beamed down on me, weakening my entire body. Slowly, I walked over to the trunk, getting a strong smell of the baked, putrid trash bags.

I instinctively raised my hand to my face and grimaced. Turning my head, I reached inside to grab a couple and raced to throw them in the six-footer. The limbs slapped together as I went to grab the last bag.

"I wish this wasn't real! It can't be real!" Melody started to sob, "It's not my time!"

I threw the torso into the hole and looked at her, wondering how I truly felt. There have been so many self-contradictions on my end. How could I tell what the best choice would be?

The world didn't live by a set of rules, not faithfully anyways. People lived their whole lives working towards retirement or life's inevitable end and maybe that was okay with some people, but it wasn't for me. It didn't sound like a life worth living. If I had to destroy lives and families to get satisfaction in this life, then who was I to question my feelings? Was any of the remorse I felt even real?

"Is that really how you feel?" my little sister inquired, walking around the passenger's side of the car. I swallowed and held my breath. "Believing you're a monster is a coward's way out. It would be easier if you didn't have to justify every step you take, right? You're trying to convince yourself of the wrong things."

"Shut up," I yelled. "You're not real! It's the heat—the meds. They..."

Charlotte sat down next to Melody, running her small fingers through her hair. "They don't work if you don't remember to take them. I'm just trying to help you, Al. This isn't what you want for her, is it?" She looked down at Melody's face and she was gawking at me.

"You... you're really crazy," Melody mumbled with tears rolling down her dirty cheeks.

Charlotte giggled. "Don't listen to her. I know you won't hurt her. I mean, no more than you already have."

I clenched my teeth. I already felt guilty about taking everyone she loved. Could I really erase her? Could I leave her in the file of forgotten faces?

"You're right," I said in confidence and picked up the shovel. I threw some dirt back into the hole, covering the evidence—like muscle memory.

Every time I came to this place after today, I'd think about Melody, knowing she didn't deserve to die in a graveyard of criminals and degenerates. She deserved to have a gravestone and to be visited by those who loved her. If only there was another way...

Her crying had ceased. "You're not going to kill me, are you?" she asked in a nasally voice. There was hope there, but I couldn't bear to speak the whole truth.

"No." I stopped filling the hole once the bags were covered, hoping that would mask the smell, and returned the instrument to its rightful place. I walked back to the trunk and slammed it shut.

I ran my blistered, clammy hands through my sweaty hair and reached into the passenger's window to grab the duct tape. I ripped some off the roll and knelt down to lift Melody's head up onto my knee. She screamed and tried to pull away from me, but with hardly any strength, I slapped it on her lips.

With much care, I propped Melody up on her knees and put her over my shoulder. The grass squeaked beneath my feet as I staggered over to the hole and put her down next to it. I grabbed her by the wrists and ankles and dropped her in. A wave of dust flew up and she squirmed around on top of her father's corpse.

Shuffling back to the car, I tightened the hoodie around my waist and got into Daniel's car. I started it and backed away from the scene. When I reached the gravel, I put it in drive. Charlotte was in my rearview mirror, standing in the middle of the road. I took off, kicking up dirt, and wondered if I was really crazy...

Denial patronizes us all. We think we're okay, but deep down, we know it's a lie.