Assisting Miss Adams (GirlXGirl) OLD VERSION

Chp. 46

What had been so different?

I mean sure, I had kind of taken initiative with the kiss rather than just let her touch me but did that really scare her? Was me putting my hands on her foreign to everything she had been expecting?

I could still feel her soft skin on my hands, her taste on my lips, and her smell of perfume and champagne. It happened every time we kissed, I could remember every exact detail and it left me confused and sad. I would replay it over and over and over until it drove me crazy and to the point of not being able to even look at Sam.

Which wasn't my fault but it just happened.

I wanted to text her so bad, I wanted to see her again, I wanted to talk about what had happened and I couldn't, and it was the most frustrating thing I've ever felt. It was more frustrating than Nikki, more frustrating than my financial situation, the softball team, or my school work.

She was on my mind every single second of every single day and it was really getting to me, because I knew it wasn't the same for Sam.

As much as I wanted to believe Sam felt the same way for me I knew I couldn't, because she didn't. Sam was wild, she was passionate about a lot of things, but growing feelings for someone was something she had trouble with. And even if she did grow feelings for someone admitting them to that person or even herself was tough.

She hated vulnerability, that was obvious, and she hated being walked over because of everything that had happened in her childhood. She was tough, and she had walls built so high around ever emotional thing in her body that it was near impossible to even get a glimpse of what was inside.

But I had to remind myself that I had seen Sam, I had really seen her, and that was something not many people could say.

But did it mean anything? Did me actually getting to know Sam mean anything to her? Or was it all just to tolerate the fact that I had been living with her?

It was tough to think about, considering I had always believed Sam was just trying to get me into her bed, but after five months of getting to know her I felt something inside her change. She wasn't the same person I had met in August, she was still a sarcastic, stubborn, and very tough nineteen year old, but she was more understanding, more accepting, and a lot more mature.

Could her growing up actually be a result of me stepping into her life?

I had forced her to remember things, tell me things that she had forced into the back of her mind. I had made her face her past and think about her future, and I had argued and fought with her like never before, but it had obviously shaped her for the better.

I glanced at the clock, seeing that it was now 1:30 in the morning and decided that I should stop thinking myself to death and get some sleep.

So I closed my eyes, allowing sleep to take me over as I drifted off with lingering thoughts of everything I needed to fix in my life.

Starting with Sam and Shawn.

~ ~ ~ ~

The vacation had passed quickly, faster than I had wanted, but New Years Eve was tonight and luckily I had been invited to Shawn's for a get together.

And of course I knew Sam would be there.

As I continued to get dressed I thought about how this night could go. Sam and I would be around people we knew, people who knew I was her teacher, and just a week and a half ago we had shared a very heated kiss.