The Way We Almost Were ✓

60| collision

But could Bree let her love for Nick be bigger than her fear for her own self?

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Bree watched Nick during Fawcett's class.

From the corner of her eyes, she watched the way his body sat up a fraction straighter and leant slightly forward -- a reflex reaction when the class came to an end.

She noticed again how he capped each pen before they disappeared into his bag, how his notes were gathered into a neat pile -- smallest sheet to largest -- and then braced against the inside of his elbow as he stood up.

And somehow those endless seconds made Bree's choice for her.

It was these little things that was part of Nick and only Nick, that made her want to spend the rest of her life unravelling each layer of his entire being.

She grabbed her belongings, not bothering to arrange them in a proper manner and not caring about the little bundle of mess she was now holding in her arms.

And then Bree followed Nick out, a few feet behind him.

Communication came easy to them, didn't it? She supposed she wouldn't have to try too hard to initiate this particular conversation -- besides, what else was there for them to speak about in this current situation? Nick would instantly know it was about them.

Bree still didn't make any move to get his attention though, just taking in an odd form of tranquility in matching his footsteps and maintaining that few feet between their bodies.

She'd never noticed the manner of his walk before. How he dipped his head, low enough to avoid eye contact or scrutiny, but high enough to watch where he was going. How he let his shoulders hang loose, straight enough that he wasn't slouching but with a slight droop so that he didn't look like he was on a mission.

It was the demeanour of someone who didn't want to socialise, to mingle with the crowd -- and it amazed Bree how he was content with only the very few people he wanted in his life. Nick looked like he was always alone -- and it was only after getting to know him that Bree had come to realise he wasn't lonely. In his world, Dale and Eileen and Bree herself seemed to be more than enough.

That also brought with it the realisation that Nick probably felt that way because he had spent a better part of his life having nobody else -- and it broke Bree's heart to know that he once had to spend time in such a dark, dark place all by himself.

"Nick," she mumbled under her breath, picking up her pace. Her heart was torn in two. The bigger part flooded with all her feelings for him. The smaller part clenched in fear for herself.

Bree tried to focus on the bigger part of her heart. Let your love be bigger than your fear, she reminded herself. Let your faith be bigger than your fear. Take that leap of faith, Bree.

"Nick," she called out his name this time, and watched him stop as his head looked over his shoulder at her.

Surprise flickered in his eyes, then worry, then longing, and eventually, confusion.

"Bree?" He asked uncertainly.

"Hey," she bit her lip, stopping right by his side.

"Hey..." Nick responded, his tone cautious. As if he was expecting her to drop a bombshell.

"I... was wondering if we could talk," Bree said, dragging the 'I'.

"Sure?" Nick looked even more anxious, and Bree figured it was probably the not knowing that was getting under his skin. Maybe at a time like this, Nick preferred being aware and knowing things. He was probably worried this had something to do with his brother or his father.

"Stop looking so worried," she murmured, "it's nothing about... that. This is about us. You and I."

Surprise took over the anxiousness in Nick's features. "Oh."

"So can we talk?" Bree asked, trying for a smile and actually succeeding.

Nick shrugged, "yeah, 'course. Where?"

It was Bree's turn to shrug. "Anywhere."

Nick's lips slightly parted, as if thinking about what he was going to say before he said it. And then his eyes landed on Bree, and something shifted in his gaze, causing his cheeks to slightly colour.

"What?" Bree asked, suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothing," he muttered. "The bleachers out there in the field would be fine."

Bree shrugged. "Yeah. Okay. No problem."

He looked away,"If we had the conversation in either of our dorms, I might end up kissing you."

Bree's breath caught. Had this been the reason of his blush?

"But," Nick continued, "the public and open space around the bleachers would remind me of all the risks, and that'll stop me from doing anything stupid."

"Kissing me would be stupid?" Bree couldn't help but blurt.

Nick shot her a look. "Having whatever conversation that we're going to have in an open space itself is stupid."

"So we'll talk in one of our dorms--"

"I just told you why that's a bad idea."

"How is kissing me in private riskier than being seen together in public?" Bree scrunched her nose.

"Because I know how I feel on the inside," Nick said softly, "and I know you're probably going through the exact same torture. On top of that, you have to deal with the knowledge of my background too. I don't want to do something that'll only push you over the edge. I don't want to make it unnecessarily harder for you to cope."

Bree's throat tightened. She blinked hard. "So you'll stop yourself before you actually do kiss me. And if that doesn't work, I'll just say no. You'd back off in an instant."

Nick met her eyes, "Except you wouldn't say no." He reached for her face, letting the tip of his finger trace the curve of her cheek. "I know because I wouldn't be able to say no either." He dropped his hand. "I've missed you so much, Bree."

"Why wouldn't I be able to say no?" She asked, her feet stuck to that spot on the floor. They felt the same way for each other, and hearing him tell her why she wouldn't push him away would be listening to him list out all the reasons why he wouldn't be able to either.

"Because it'll be like a collision. It would never just be your lips on mine," Nick walked forward, pushing Bree back into a hallway for service workers. His hand cupped her neck, thumb stroking her jaw. "You'd melt into me. You'd fucking melt into me. And I'd somehow shape myself into the perfect mould, which every atom of yours pours into until we fit together the way only the two of us can. It'll be your heart and your sanity and your soul and every fibre of your being that slips into that kiss, one part of you rushing in after another." Nick's voice lowered, "Like I said -- a collision."

Bree stared at him, aware that her lips were slightly parted as if dumbstruck.

Nick had no clue that she was here to tell him just that, did he? That she was here to tell him she was scared as hell, but she still believed her was worth it. That she wanted to be with him, come hell or highwater.

"Nick," Bree spoke, sounding slightly out of breath, "we've been a collision since the very start." She offered him a tiny, heartfelt smile. "And some collisions -- well, they're worth having."

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Hellloooooo there ;) guess who's back! Your favourite literary queen (yes i just did that) 😂
But WOW it's SO GOOD to be writing again! <3

few more chaps and then I'm really excited to share a new work with y'all <3