A ⅃ E X A

T H Я E E

"BEEN IN PAIN LIKE ME?"

If her friends were left to describe her characteristics, she would be labeled as aggressive. Yeah, she used to bite when she was little but so did a wild animal. She did it out of frustration and anger, not knowing what to do with it. Was it weird that she used to act as freely as a wild animal when she was in elementary school, because all kids are demons anyways. They had their twisted games and innocent tendencies.

Her friends would say that she didn't have any emotions to show. I guess that's what's the bad guy in the movies feel like after all, always prejudged, broken, bipolar. Was she really that good at masking her true emotions? Masking a fake smile and attitude onto her face to hide them. She just hid it from everyone and people can believe it. They will believe it. Whenever someone asked to spend time with her, she always said that she was busy but it eventually got to another point.

It got to a point when she stopped lying to them as a whole. She just flat out told them that she did want to spend time with them, that no, you can't come over, I'm not in the mood and I'm not, I'll never be. I'm too busy tonight, having a full blown battle with myself.

I'm to busy tonight, ripping myself apart where nobody can stop me. Alone, where nobody can find me, where nobody can get to me. A place where I can just sit alone, listing to my alternative music on my headphones at full blast, so I can pretend that there is nothing bothering me, day dreaming. Because to them, it is nothing. They can't feel the force that is pulling me. Pulling her down to the ground, trying to pull her under and away from this life.

She could remember the health teacher talking about mental health as if being bipolar was an alright example to use. "What is two reasons why a teacher might not know if you have a mental illness?", was the teachers question. It stuck to her, nobody knew that it could ever be her. The room was completely silent, no one ever answered the teachers little pity questions. "One reason would be, because you don't know me close enough to know. The second one may be, because I don't spend enough time with you in and out of the house."

Out of the house? She rolled her eyes at the teacher, health class was a total pain. All they ever did was boring old, normal things, never out of the ordinary. On her way out, her and Tracy, a friend walked to their next class. Walking past the same staircase from before, she couldn't help but to look back down. "Do you ever want to jump?"

"What? No!", Tracy shrieked beside her. "Do I have to keep an eye on you?"

Her face kept a cold emotionless look. "The edge is right there. I could jump at any time. We're just suffering anyways. No ones even watching. Nobody would care, they wouldn't notice me if I was gone." That was her asking for help. Tracy didn't understand, she just glared at her in devastation.

"I would care. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you killed or hurt yourself.", Tracy's voice said. She cares? The two of them went silent as they walked towards their class' door.

Maybe she was wrong, maybe somebody would miss her. Now she felt selfish and soon she felt at ease with herself, watching the time fly by. She let out a grunt of sudden frustration as she tried to mix two paint colours together. "Why isn't this colour turning out, I can only make shit colours and this one looks like vomit."

"You mixed yellow into red, try mixing red slowly into yellow.", her friend beside her suggested.

She looked at her confused. She was completely mixed up herself. Yellow into red. Red into yellow. "What difference does it really make? They're the same two fucking colours!", she finally snapped. She seemed to be quickly angered but no one was perfect. People always tell you, not to let the little things in life get to you. That seemed understandable but in life when she was running, the little things were dame well sprinting after her. Trying to catch her, demanding their hardest to piss her off.