Behind My Eyes

Before The World Knew Me

An amniotic home. He knew my face and every thing about me before I was even born, even thought of, before my parents even met. He held my hand before my father could ever. Smiled at me before my mom even knew my name. He loved me before I knew what His light meant, as it surrounded me in between the fabricated spaces of His thoughts and time, where heaven held me in place as I waited. Waited... and waited.

Floating around in some part of His mind as an uncreated spirit. Until the love set me free. Until the egg glowed and my soul came into existence. I became life in an instant with a set time line of infinite choices and paths, until I found Him. Isn't that how we all start? Faultless...innocent, a little speck the rest of the world wouldn't learn, most a mistake? I grew. As a lil' babe does, I grew up until I didn't know how anymore. Who was I? Who did I want to be? Who would I become? What was I supposed to do? What could I do? What will I do, for the rest of my life? What was I living for?

A few people in my life have told me, "You ask a lot" or "too many questions." I think we are all like that, the only different is I ask out loud... because I'm a little more hungry, a little more thirsty. I was made to be a thinker, rebellious against the non-explanatory, challenging to authority. I wasn't made to follow 'blindly', but to think set apart, depicting everything for myself. To learn willingly.

We want the key to the world, and sometimes that's all we know, but he loved me first. He saw one clear, one for Him, one perfect and set in His eyes. I knew we all had one, but for the first time I forgot to ask what mine would be. Trying to go along selfishly making up extra rules, trying to do my own thing. I forgot to ask Him. But now? Now I'm stuck in His arms, and I'll never want to escape, but only get closer. Still slowly learning the path He chose for me.