Survival

Chapter 46 Guilt

"You're a normal and caring human being, Edward. You don't deserve this crap," Olivia muttered, hoping the slurring would obscure her words. She needed to say them, but he didn't need to hear them.

"I can say the same about you."

"It would be a lie."

"I wish you could see yourself through another's eyes just for a day."

Whose? The director's who found her to be an outright weak and failure of a follower. Steven's who believed she prostituted her way to information.

"You're an incredibly driven woman, successful as hell, and deep, deep down, a caring and passionate person."

If only you knew I've been lying to your face to use you for information. You'd hate me as much as those who knew what I was really about.

When would it all stop?  

"I appreciate the flattery, but words can't excuse my actions."

"We all make mistakes."

No, Edward, we don't all make these ones.

Regular people had a conscious that kicked in and warned them of their own stupidity. Instead of a conscious, she had trusted the director's opinion. One that only had the interest of the colony at heart, despite all collateral damage.

Her voice came out in a light whisper, "I killed an innocent person."

She hadn't realized the weight her fiancé had felt speaking those words until she also admitted the crime. The memory was as fresh as the smell of lavender in the room.

Marcel walked into the apartment with trembling hands and most of the buttons of his shirt undone at the collar. The dark skin on his neck gleamed from the sweat. His brown eyes were tinged with red.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked, looking up from the tablet. She wanted to tell him tonight, but it didn't look to be the right time. Nine months could come and go and she probably still wouldn't find the right time.

"Liv, we need to leave this colony as soon as possible."

Olivia's stomach somersaulted twice. They couldn't. It would be suicide for all of them.

"You know there are only weeks left now. We can't."

Marcel walked over and fell to his knees. He reached out for her torso and rested his head against it. Did he already know?

"I killed an innocent man today."

Olivia waited for more. Her hands weren't clean either, but the lives she had taken were in the best interest of her country. Always justified. None had been lost in here yet.

"Why?"

"We interrogated him for hours and assumed we would release him. One of the other officers had orders from the director that we were not to release this man. We were advised to administer a sedative to transport him to a more suitable location. It was my duty to give the injection and I did. The prisoner's eyes closed and he dropped face first onto the table. His body began to seize and seize. I went to get someone to help but the other officer stopped me.

'Let it be,' he said. 'It will only take a minute'. At that point, I realized what I had done and went to run for help. The officer restrained me until all the movement had escaped the prisoner's body."

"It's not your fault. You couldn't have known."

"Do you want to have a future in a place that tricks and manipulates you into doing their dirty work? To have the blood of innocents upon your hands so a raging sociopath can get away with it. My family did not come to this country to repeat the same conditions we grew up in. I beg of you, Liv. We need to leave. I know how this will end."