Survival

Chapter 46 Guilt

Edward's eyes wandered around the room and she quickly double checked to make sure everything was in its proper place: books, tables, rug, center piece, candles, and lamps. Not that he would notice, but it would bother her if it wasn't.

"I didn't peg you as a candle woman."

"They are supposed to be relaxing and soothing."

"A gift from a friend, I'd assume."

She rubbed her palms against the soft fabric of her pants as her throat began to tighten. A friend, a lover, a dreamer. Not too different from the man currently sitting in his spot.

"I hope they help. If anyone could use some time to unwind, it's you."

Her mind, torn between sitting next to him and taking advantage of the intimate opening and escaping it by fetching wine, opted for the latter. There would be more intimacy, but it was too early to start, especially without any drinks.

"Do you drink wine?" Olivia asked as she came back with two glasses. Mostly a formality. She could drink the both if he outright refused.

"I will tonight," he replied as he took one from her. "Should we toast? To relaxation maybe."

"To relaxation."

She smiled as their glasses clinked and as the wine made its way down her throat like water. It would take more than that to get through the rest of the night. First step was to re-establish trust then to go for the information.

"I'm sorry," she started before she took another generous sip of wine. "For getting upset with you last time we spent time together." Larger sip. "There are many aspects of my past and my beliefs that I feel passionate about. It's not always easy to talk about them." Scratch that; it was never easy. Time for another glass.

"I can't imagine how hard it was to lose your fiancé."

Not lose. Alienate, abandon, ostracize, but not lose. He was out there. Too damn smart and resourceful not to be.

So much for the fresh glass. Edward went right for the jugular.

"No use dwelling in the past."

Bottle in hand, her wrist trembled slightly. Where could she steer the conversation? No topic offered both safety and the possibility to bring her and Edward closer. Could she invent? No, terrible liar and worse drunk. She'd have to work her way through this rut.

"We can talk about something else. This is clearly making you uncomfortable."

"No, I'm fine."

"You just sat down and that's your third glass."

"I was never very good at sharing."

A smile grew on Edward's face. "Somehow, I don't doubt that. It's good wine, thank you." His glass only had one sip in the time it took her to down two glasses. She set hers down on the coaster and leaned back on the couch.

"I didn't lose my fiancé in the storms, Edward." Dive in, head first. "He left when he couldn't stand to see what this place had done to him, to me, to the life we tried to build together. He was right." I was and am a selfish, lying, manipulative bitch. "I have to live with that every day."

"I can see how a purely physical relationship would be appealing after something like that."

"I never meant to drag your feelings into this and sway you every which way." She envied Edward's ability to stay neutral during these discussions. Her body betrayed her far more than she liked as of late.

"Don't feel too bad. It doesn't take much for me to get attached. I don't generally get the luxury of no-strings-attached relations. I'll chalk it up to lack of practice."