Do you? (Kuroo X reader)(Suga X reader)

Chapter fifty: Selfish.

"Kiyoko," he started,"I know you think you know what you f-."

'"I know you think you know what you feel."

"Suga," he watched as you croaked, your whole face draining of its colour, the shattered tone in your voice stabbing at his chest. He forced himself upright, setting his jaw firmly.

"But you don't, now come on - let's go home," he turned his back to you making his way towards the gate.'

He let his head hang down, his eyes closing as the mental exhaustion overtook him. He couldn't handle it all anymore...he was just so drained. He was tired of waiting, of what it was doing...of how it was all going to effect Kiyoko...someone completely innocent that he'd taken in because he thought he could block you out...he should have known that it was impossible...

And now what could he possibly say or do that would make any of this better? He'd made his bed, he'd tried to detach himself from it all, to only skim the surface because that would hurt less. But this was a real person, with real feelings...how could he have been so caught up in himself that he couldn't see...wait - he'd done this once before...

'"I like you," you let your hands ball into fists,"you've been all I wanted for so long and you couldn't even see it. And I'm sorry if this isn't convenient and I'm so so sorry you had to find out like you did but don't say it's a lie because I'd never lie to you."'

It was time to stop denying things, to take them as they were. 'Stop deflecting, just be honest, just be-.'

He winced at her touch, her elegant fingers cupping his cheek her thumb fondly stroking at his beauty mark,"are you okay?"

"No...," he whispered, not wanting to look at her - to see her face, to know that he was to blame.

"What? Suga, look at me - was it too much? Look I know-."

"No I'm not okay," he forced his gaze onto hers, a lump building at the expression written upon her dainty features. The knit in her eyebrows, the sheer concern...how could someone care so much about him...and how could that not be enough? 'God I'm so selfish...'

"What's wrong?," her sweet voice wobbled. The crowd cheered and danced but then there was the two of them, stood there in brutal silence, an ache that lay across their aura. Frozen still in the sea of the wild...

He let his rough fingers curl around her wrist gently, looking down - his attention falling onto the necklace he'd bought her that sat on her chest shimmering emerald...it seemed to glare at him...to whisper 'I know.'

"Look I just-," his brain flashed with all the moments, the moments he'd spent with her...the moments that hadn't been real...guilt throttled him and in a split second the air had left him leaving him in a state of panic, allowing him one final gasp,"I need some space-."

He took off, his hand slipping from her... his body going cold. It was all too much...he just needed a moment - just a moment-

'" I might actually love you."

'She loves you, she loves you, she loves you, she loves you-.'

His shoulder slammed against others as he forced himself to escape, 'no, no this isn't what I wanted- this isn't what I wanted this isn't-...'

He stumbled through the lobby, his desperation causing people to tut phrases of annoyance, his shoes scuffed against the pavement his hands grasping at the lamppost...