Do you? (Kuroo X reader)(Suga X reader)

Chapter forty eight: The wall.

You sat there on the sofa, your nails digging into your knees. It had been an emotional few hours, the ambulance had arrived in lightening time, you'd been forced to watch your baby suffer. The yelling of the nurses that had shown up at the scene still haunting you now...you'd wanted to hold him but they suggested you didn't. You'd only been able to stare as Ryū spasmed, held by a doctor that had deemed to step onto the team...the journey in the back of the vehicle was never ending, it tore you apart inside and spat you out. It only got worse when you rushed into the hospital, your son ripped from your sight...for the most part you were sat in an empty room - trying not to sob. Kuroo had shown up, running into the room, his frantic breathing only increasing by the absence of your child... and of course at the sight of him you couldn't help it - you dampened his shirt from the tears that fell so harshly fuelled by the unknowing.

Luckily it had only been an hour or so before he was returned, in tact but evidently exhausted. The doctor had explained that the fit was most likely caused by a lack of sugar - he'd suggested breastfeeding or simply changing the formula of milk. After a few final checkups they'd ensured that he could be taken home...there had been silence in the car. You'd sat closely to your son, noticing as Kuroos eyes flashed in the rear-view mirror, landing on the two of you cautiously before flickering back to the road.

You ignored the sharp pain in your lip, the metallic flavour that enticed your tongue. You were trying to contain yourself, your whole body seemed to buzz with the guilt that ran through you - so bitter and heartfelt. The terror that had struck you just hours ago, still festering in your chest. Your eyes still stung, threatening the appearance of more tears...even though you still tasted their subtle salt in your throat.

"He's okay," he let out a heavy breath,"we should check up on him every hour though - just in ca-," he halted in his tracks, gazing at your figure, sat stiffly on the edge of the sofa cushion, your arms and legs trembling. He pursed his lips lightly, the exhaustion that had taken ultimate claim to him opening up to obtain the sympathy that sprouted so strongly from the mere sight of you. He did so with the slightest fragment of hesitation as he made his way towards you, his tired hazel eyes falling on your quivering frame,"(l/n)?"

Your wide eyes shot at him, holding in your breath knowing that the slightest slip up would only lead to you unravelling once more. What was it about him of all people that left you completely vulnerable? You'd always questioned it...why did he have the capability to tear down your walls? And why did that make him so special?

'Don't say it,' you silently pleaded, your hands soon shifting to your arms, your nails digging into your soft skin, 'just please, please, please don't say it.'

"Are you okay?," he lowered, kneeling in front of you. He could feel his hands aching, laying limply in his lap...he needed to hold you.

'Oh no,' you bit down harder on your lip, only to fail. Tears pouring down your cheeks, the image of him before you growing blurrier and blurrier. You gasped letting out a sob,"it's all my fault!"

His eyes widened, noticing the blood that gushed from your lip...his whole body tending at the sight of your tears. How could this be your fault? Neither of you knew it was going to happen, you were both new to this anyways.

'"...it's not healthy for either of you.'"

He cursed himself silently as he reached forward his hands resting on either side of your face. They were warm and gentle against your skin and cruelly left you more torn...'He's not yours.' You sniffled as his thumbs stroked across your cheeks, wiping away the dampness that had invaded your features. You listened as his breath shook, his hands sliding down to yours, tugging them from your upper arms and lacing them in with his own. You could see him clearly now, the bags under his eyes, his hair that stuck out quietly from under his cap.