COLORS ϟ SIRIUS BLACK [1]

XVIII. TEARING A NEW PAGE

COLORS ϟ SIRIUS BLACK

XVIII. TEARING A NEW PAGE

"I'M SORRY, CLARA." Sirius was the most sincere Clara had ever seen him.

The Potters had gone out early in the morning before Clara had woken up. But after briefly getting ready and stumbling down the stairs she found an apologetic Sirius and a full course breakfast waiting for her. By the looks of the burnt toast, it was made by him.

"What are you talking about?" Her brain was muggy from her lack of sleep, she had stayed up all night talking to James, "Did you tear a page in my book again? I told you, you can't just toss-"

"Please," he interrupted her, "just let me." He took a deep breath, "Let me talk."

Clara took a seat at the small breakfast table and Sirius sat next to her and turned to face her. The intense look on his face made Clara realize that James probably informed him about last night, and the thought made Clara want to run up the stairs back under her covers.

"I have been selfish. I did what every single twat does, thinks he knows what's best for the girl he likes." Actual, true shame filled his voice, he was getting emotional.

She couldn't believe it. A million times she had imagined everything going back to normal but this.. this was something Sirius could think of. She didn't think a guy would have the balls to say this.

"I pushed you away when you needed me the most. I thought it was best, truly I did. And I'm not trying to make an excuse for myself, it was wrong and I know it." A shy smile grew, "I want to make it right. I want to help you, whether that's as your completely platonic friend or someone..."

"That you snog on occasion?" Clara said, trying to make light of the situation.

Sirius chuckled but continued, "No, I mean, yes, I love snogging you. You're beautiful and sexy and literally the girl of my dreams, but you also are smart. You make me laugh." He breathed deeply, "You make me want to be, better. I left my parents' house because of you. Clara Green, you believed in me this year, you believed that I could be something more than just another Black."

"Thank you, I'm flattered." The words felt like lava coming out of her mouth, "But I can't. I'm barely surviving on my own, I couldn't even imagine starting a relationship with someone."

His eyes dropped from hers, his left thumb rubbed on the engraving on the wooden table. His left foot was bouncing nervously, "I understand." He stood up and took a step away from her.