A Symphony of Devotion: The Start [Demi Lovato]

[4] Alexithymia

The next morning, after being woken by my butler and getting dressed, I make my way down the stairs to find my brother waiting for me at the bottom of the steps. He smiles at me. "Good morning, baby sis. I made you breakfast."

Food.

My stomach rumbles at the thought, but I silence it. "Thanks, Zack, but I've really got to go to school. I appreciate the thought, though." I lean up on tiptoes to plant a kiss on his cheek before heading for the door.

Zack pulls on my hand. "Aww, come on, KayKay. You still have time. Come eat my awesome eggs."

"I don't know, Zack." I laugh to hide my nervousness. "You're not the best chef ever. What if you end up poisoning me?"

With one quick movement, Zack picks me up and throws my body over his shoulder, as if I weighed twenty pounds instead of ninety. "You're too skinny," he says, as he pokes me, making me giggle out of force of habit. "We gotta get some meat on them bones." He sets me down on the kitchen island stool.

There's a pile of disfigured, mashed-up eggs before me. I raise an eyebrow. "Zack, is this breakfast, or a science project?"

"Oh, just eat it, you sissy."

I roll my eyes, but my hand is trembling as I scoop up some of the eggs and chew it. Then I hop off the school. "Okay, thanks for breakfast, Zack. See you later!"

"Kenzie!" Zack yells after me as I run down the hallway. "You've barely touched it!"

I ignore his words as I fight the urge to throw up what I'd just eaten. The voices are back in my head, injecting me time and time again with the reasoning that food only contributes to higher numbers on the scale. That if the tags on my jeans don't show double zeros, I'm worth nothing. That no one will want me.

Before Zack can chase me, I get into my car and it starts off down the driveway.

It's starting to rain; just a light drizzle, pattering softly onto the car and running streaks down the window. I'm distracted by the color of the roofs around us, how the water staining them causes light to reflect differently. The dull red bricks now become brighter, more vibrant.

When the reflection becomes a piercing glare, I look away, but find nothing to look at but the pieces of furniture in the limo.

At the TV, that I don't use. At the fully stocked fridge, that I never touch. At the multiple other seats, that I never had friends to occupy.

I give a sigh.

Such a waste.

When I get to school, I find myself looking for Devonne's head of blonde hair through the crowd, unable to get her off my mind, when I enter my English class and find her already seated.

Strange. I'm usually the first one here.

I take my seat, avoiding eye contact with her. This silence continues until I hear a, "Hey".
I give a nod of acknowledgement, hoping that she'd shut up, as I take out my English notebook.

"Are you mad?" Devonne asks tentatively.

"No." Despite my answer, my tone is cold.

"Well, you just, uh, seemed kinda mad yesterday."

Kids are starting to enter the classroom, so I step up my game, flipping my notebook open to a random page and putting it on my desk. "Did I?"

"Y-Yeah," Devonne stammers. "I'm sorry?"

Her distress; the fact that she actually cares what I think of her; it breaks my guard. I've honestly never met anyone who really cared about what I did and what I said, and the fact that she does makes her different. "It wasn't your fault," I allow, although I still refuse to make eye contact with her.