Clandestine

Chapter Eleven. Refrain

As if fate was playing tricks on us, Justin and I both passed the entrance exam for the school that I was planning to transfer. You know, we remained close friends.

Before leaving for Senior High School, Lily told me, "Kaye, we're not sure about what is to happen. Maybe, it's you and Justin's time."

Lily stayed in the same school while Katie transferred to another school different from mine. So she and Justin have to endure a long distance relationship.

"Lily, I'm not the type of person who ruins a relationship," I told her laughing at her naughty joke.

Even after all the things that happened, even though I ignored everything, I know deep inside my heart, my feelings for Justin never faded. Boys tried to show interest on me but I just can't really entertain them because Justin's still the one. I just have to show them, especially Justin, that I've moved on so that things would not get complicated and awkward.

I know it's stupid to cling onto someone who will never look at you the same way again but you cannot blame me for I cannot dictate my heart.

You know, my parents and Justin's were very close so sometimes I ride with them in their car to our school, two hours away from our hometown. I remember when we were looking for a place to live in that city, Justin's family and mine were together.

When we have decided for a room, my mom told the landlady, "Don't let anyone visit my daughter unless it's Justin." I know where he's staying, too, by the way. I thought of the possibilities Justin and I could have and how it was a waste for the both of us. He's in love with Katie so I could not do anything about it. There's no room for my hopes and assumptions.

There was a time when I was headed home, walking on the corridors, I saw Justin with his friends just a few steps from me when one of his friends shouted, "You're Justin's ex, right?"

I could not answer. I just saw Justin dragging his friend while laughing at them. I don't know, but I guess I should be thankful. At least, he acknowledged me as his past and treasured what we had.

He was in a different section but we remained friends. Close friends. Maybe it was all he could offer and I have to be contented with that. There was a presentation in the class and we have to wear black shirt and I don't have any. So, I asked Justin if he could let me borrow his shirt.

"Okay. I'll give you the one with the New York tomorrow," he said.

The whole time that we were performing, I was happy. Maybe because of the fact that I could feel him in me. I smelled his shirt and it was so pleasant I couldn't take my smile off of me.

We were there for each other the whole time. I don't know what happened between him and Katie but I don't care as long as I'm not doing anything wrong.

"Kaye, can I borrow your notes?" he asked me once. "Sure, if you could understand it," I told him.

"Justin, can you send me your portfolio. I have to check mine if it's okay." "Sure, I'll send it right away," he would say.

We ran into each other whenever we're having bad times or needing some help for two years.

"Kaye, are you coming with us?" he texted me, one Sunday afternoon, the time when whe have to go back to the city where we're studying. "Yes," I replied.

We were like that for two years and I must say, this is okay. I don't know whatever his deal is. What I know is that he will be forever special in my heart.