Clandestine

Chapter Six. Stronger Chords

Four months before we graduate in elementary, there's this boy who also showed interest in me. The current top student of the class. James Pettifer. He showed and did actions more than what Justin did.

There was a time when we were watching a movie inside the class. I was sitting on a chair at the back part of the room. James then placed a chair behind me and sat on its desk. He then started to play with my hair, which signifies that he wants my attention. James frankly told me how he likes me. But all this time, I ignored his moves on me. And all this time, my eyes were fixed on the boy who was sitting in front of the television, with sad and confused eyes, head placed on his knees. It was Justin.

Lately, I've been confused with his so-called feelings on me since he was linked to someone named Fiona Ethan, another top student in the class. It was the time that I started comparing myself to others. I know it's not good but I guess, it's one of the things that can happen if you like someone. You're starting to assess yourself, whether you were good enough or not, where insecurities begin. Fiona, well, is a fine girl. Not just fine, but really fine. She's good-looking but I'm more good-looking (sorry for the overconfidence, but it's true). But one thing that makes me feel small is that she's really smart, probably the smartest girl in the class and take note, she's so nice that it makes me feel guilty that I'm talking like this about her. The good side is, she does not care about other boys including Justin.

I don't know if the rumors about Justin's feelings towards Fiona is true. One thing that I'm sure of is that I'm hurting. James, on the other hand, continued to show his interest on me.

Days before our graduation, the final honor roll was announced. I got the Third Honorable Mention (fifth top student of the graduating class), Justin got the Second Honorable Mention, Fiona (First Honorable Mention), Felly, another girl in the class was our Salutatorian and then James was our Valedictorian. The day of the Baccalaureate Mass, James threw a simple celebration for his success. Foods were served in the classroom. His family was present at that time including his grandmother. Our classmates knew about James' feelings on me and so his family. They started teasing us. James' grandma offered me more foods than the others saying "Yours is special." I was embarassed the whole time and I couldn't do anything because I have to respect the kindness of the elderly. But what bothered me the most was that particular boy. What is he feeling with all these happenings? Or was he even affected?

Elementary years concluded with smiles, tears, and other emotions. There's the disappointment that maybe, after parting our ways, we'll not see the others for a long time. But the emotion that overpowered the others was my feelings for him.