LOVING Aman | ✓

33

He couldn't just take a bullet for me and expect me to allow him waltz back into my life.

No, he couldn't

And yet even though my thoughts were littered with Aman, my prayers remained with Jabir. He is my silent prayer and a prayer I hoped would be heeded. And I missed him, terribly.

I had swallowed my pride earlier today and called Raihana to see if she had heard anything, she was after all his stepsister's BFF, but she didn't pick up. And after trying to call her for the fifth time, I gave up. She wasn't going to pick. I know her enough to know she was ignoring me. Something was wrong. I just know it.

And to make matters worse, I think my mom was avoiding me. She was rarely at home and whenever she was, she avoided having eye contact with me. And when you've lived your whole life with someone who always maintained eye contact with you whenever you are having a conversation, you notice easily when something was wrong.

I just didn't know what.

She had even surprised me by sending me a text message an hour after she left home;

Be ready in two hours, we'll be traveling to Katsina by 12pm

I didn't understand why she hadn't just said so this morning before leaving. I was ecstatic anyway. She knew I had been worried sick about Jabir's sudden disappearance and that going to Katsina now would be a good thing to me, even though she knew I hated going there.

But somehow I think something was very wrong about the timing of the whole journey. If it was because of Jabir, she could have asked me to go alone, why was she coming along? What was she hiding? I know it wasn't deliberate when she'd hid Aman from me but what was she hiding again?

I was almost tempted to tell her I have gotten my memories back and that it was okay, I know everything, but somehow I think that would have been a bad idea. Especially since she simply rode in silence when we had finally leave, her face clearly showing that she didn't want to be disturbed. I had alot on my plate too, so I let her be. Sending Jabir text messages after every few minutes;

I'm on my way to Katsina
Sent

And then.

I hope you are doing well?
Sent

After waiting for a while, I sent another message again

Why aren't you answering me?                                    Sent

You are alive, aren't you?
Sent

Jay, please talk to me.
Sent

I sent one last message and then I switched off my phone.

I love you too, Jay, alot and I missed you. Please let me know if you are alright
Sent

I know I shouldn't keep tormenting myself that way but this was simply how I was wired. I worry, especially when it comes to the people I cared about, I worry obsessively. I am worried about my mom's secret, about Jabir, about Aman and I guess that can take its toil too. Or maybe it was because I was just out of the hospital. Either way, something good came out of all my worrying; I fell asleep

Peacefully and soundly.

But then I heard someone tap me gently, calling out my my name. It was my mom.

Grudgingly, I opened my eyes to see my uncle's two storeyed house staring at me. But there was something different about it. It was filled with people, mostly relatives, people I know and the air filled with festivities. And then I heard my aunt.

"Kun iso lapia?" (Did you arrive safely?)

I saw my mom nod. I can see she was restless somehow and didn't want to speak with my aunt. Though that wasn't a new occurrence, but there was something more awkward about my aunt's attempt at decorum and my mom's impatience, there was a kind of tension present, emanating a very, very bad vibe.

I stepped out of the car.

"Ina wuni, Aunty?" ( Good evening, Aunty)

She smiled at me warmly and even pulled me into a hug before she'd answered and asked about our journey, to which I had replied went well, we thank God.

If before it was merely a hunch, now I know something was definitely wrong. Either that or I am on Mars

And then I heard.

...bikin Jabiru da Raihana

At first, I thought I had imagined it, so I listened again.

....Allah sarki. Ashe ba da Reima za ayi ba.

My Jabir was getting married to my cousin Raihana. How awful can my life really get?

Really?

And I couldn't help the tears streaming down my cheeks unabashedly.