Kind of want to start going off the hinge making bad decisions
Or just crazy ones to get my mind to extend its legs bound by these chains
At least for a while
Kind of want to drink a whole bottle of Ciroc
Kind of want to go off on a bender
Kind of want to be in a junkyard smashing vehicles and their windows with a bat
Kind of want to breakdown screaming and shouting in rage and hurt
Kind of want to bellow in someone's arms as I cry tears of frustration
But who exactly will I willingly let break down my walls?
In the words of Keith Sweat "nobody, nobody"
I've been strong for so long and I know I can keep everything in
I've trained myself
I've been forced to
But sometimes my damn armour has cracks
Must be due to the years of emotional and mental heavy lifting
At times, I shed tears
At times, I would like to breakdown
I even feel such an action would happen
But I'm so stubborn to stay strong repeating my slogan "I'm fine," that it's like I have a wall blocking the damn inside of me
I won't cry in front of anyone
I won't breakdown in their arms unless it's out of my control
But I kind of want someone to hold me
Squeeze me please and hold me tight
For reassurance that I am indeed alive as I feel as though I'm a ghost who's been travelling through life asleep
Lock me in your arms, restrict my body from getting out of your embrace and make me understand that you're not going anywhere except being by my side
Though I am hurt therefore I will be stubborn I'll act like I don't care
Kind of want a therapist to help me understand my depression
Or the fact that I seriously feel that I have ADHD
Or my Social Anxiety
To just help me understand
Or how childhood things have an effect on present things
Kind of want to keep it all to myself
Kind of really want to break down
Kind of want to die
Forever wishing I was never even born...
YOU ARE READING
Express Yourself! Poetry and Spoken Word
Non-FictionWhat I've written over the years. Some are old, others are new. I hope you can enjoy and relate. If not, that's okay too. Please do not plagiarise my work, I've written each of these from the heart, they mean a great deal to me. Happy reading. :)
