Broken Until You

Chapter 37 - Sleepless Nights

AUTHORS NOTE: as a special treat, I decided to write this chapter literally right after I posted chapter 36 because I know the last chapter was pretty rough😬. Hope you enjoy two chapters in one day ! :)

Autumn

"How has your day been?" my mom asked me as she laid peacefully in her hospital bed.

I wanted to say very horrible, but instead I replied with 'good' like every other human being does when faced with that question.

Every day is horrible. I've not been able to sleep, I can barely focus in class, and all I want to do is crawl up in bed and stay there forever.

And it's all because of what happened the night of prom.

But at least there's one piece of good news: my mom is going to be able to leave the hospital soon. And when she does she is going to look for a new home for us.

I looked out the hospital room window and out at the grey clouds. I've always hated cloudy days, they're so depressing. I'm already in a depressed mood, and having it be a cold, rainy, cloudy day doesn't make anything better.

It's almost the end of April. It's been about three months since the whole incident with Ryder and Heather at prom. I haven't spoken to either one of them since.

Ryder has only showed up to class about three times each month, and when he does show up, he looks like a total wreck — like everything in his life crumbled after that day.

We work on the project separately now. I visit the animal shelter and Ryder visits the elderly homes.

The worst part of this whole thing is seeing Ryder all the time in his own home. Yes, I still live there because honestly there's no where for me to go. I guess I could go to Grace's or my other friends houses, but I already have all my stuff at Ryder's.

Every night I have nightmares of Ryder and Heather kissing, and thoughts as to what would have happened if I didn't show up. I stay up most nights wondering if I should have a talk with Ryder, but I don't think I'm ready to face him yet.

But if there's one thing I miss, it's him. I miss everything about him.

I miss us. I miss the chemistry we had. I miss the love that we shared.

God, I've never missed someone so much...it's driving me insane.

But love is insanity so in that case, let me go mad.

Sometimes I hear Ryder crying in his room. If I wake up to get water in the middle of the night, I sometimes hear him sobbing. It pains my heart to hear him cry so much.

"You need to talk to him, sweetheart," my mother told me.

"Mom..."

"He's in pain, Autumn. Just like you. You need to hear his side of the story. You can't get all upset until you hear it."

"It's been three months, mom! It's a little too late to be not angry," I raised my voice in frustration. I knew she was right because if I don't hear him out, I'll never know and I'll always be left wondering and imagining the worst.

***

I turned to my side and shut my eyes tightly. Finn knew I was stressed so he cuddled up next to me.

Even with him cuddling up next to me, I still imagined Heather kissing Ryder like it was yesterday.

Opening my eyes, I groaned. Ugh, another sleepless night I suppose.

Grabbing my alarm clock, the time read 2:08am.

Only 2:08am?! I still have so long until school starts!