Reviving Her

Chapter 46 : Closure

You are woven
so deeply within
I am more yours
than mine.
                                      -gemma troy

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Silence.

The kind of nerve wracking silence that occurs after utter chaos. The kind which would make a pin drop seem loud.

Unconsciously I have moved closer to Maaz while he was narrating his story. So enraptured I was by every word that came from him that I had forgotten where I was. The dim, dark study comes back into focus.

Strangely, I am calm and it is Maaz who is trembling slightly. I can see his fingers shiver every few seconds, his eyes are closed and his mind still far far away.

'I attended the funeral. They didn't let us see him though.' He whispers hoarsely.

Slowly my hand reaches out and I entwine my little finger with his. The small but familiar movement makes him open his eyes. Dark blue, the colour of the night sky just before it turns completely black.

Gazing into his eyes I see the vulnerability in them, the fear, confusion and the pain. Fear that I will misjudge him, blame him. Confusion perhaps because not a single teardrop slides down my cheek. Pain because Numair's loss was not only mine, somehow it also became his.

I feel nothing. Maybe after everything I had become immune or maybe after all this time I finally got what I was looking for.

Closure.

Answers to questions that have haunted me since the day Numair left. Now I know, no matter what I would have said he wouldn't have stayed. I know that he would have left me anyway. I know Numair wouldn't have left the girl no matter what. Because out of all the things that made him and that I loved about him, his selflessness was one that I loved most.

Maaz's revelation is a soothing balm to all those arguments Numair had picked up with me. Now I know, they weren't real.

Most of all, now I know that he died loving me and knowing that he was loved. My heart though shattered is at peace knowing that he did have faith in me, in us.

I finally know. I finally understand.

I wrap my hand around Maaz's cold one. Slowly lifting up our joined hands I place a quick kiss on his knuckles, 'I understand.' I tell him.

I pull him along with me from study, shutting the door securely behind me.

'You are taking this surprisingly well.' Maaz says adjusting himself on the bed in our room.

'I have spent two years doing otherwise. Nothing came from it.' I tell him honestly.

He subconsciously throws the extra pillows down onto the carpet removing them from the middle of the bed. He catches my eye then realizes what he was doing.

I crawl over to him before he piles them all back up, 'You will probably throw them down again once I wake up from a nightmare in a few hours.'

He hesitates, he still is unsure. He is waiting for me to breakdown. I lay down beside him, his arm comes around my waist holding me.

'What is it?' He asks me.

'Huh?'

'What is it that is keeping you calm? What are you thinking?' He reads me.

'Revenge.' I give him a one word reply. He lets out a strangled gasp.

'Zara, no. This isn't a game.'